Inner Demons- ON HOLD

Chapter 5.

About an hour later, I managed to peel myself up off of the floor and wash my face. After running my fingers through my untimely hair, I steeled my nerves, preparing to face Alexander after my meltdown.

I probably looked like a crazy person. I cannot believe I let myself fall apart like that after so long. How the hell am I going to explain that outburst?

I set myself and walk out to find Xander sitting in the living room, eyes closed, his face scowling. His hair looked like his hands had run through it a hundred times and my heart panged knowing I'd caused his distress. His eyes opened as if sensing my response and I saw they were back to their normal pale blue and full of guilt. He sat up and faced me slowly as I walk to sit next to him. His shoulders were rigid and I could feel him studying my face and movements. I took a deep breath and sat, only a few inches from him. He stiffened in confusion but did not move.

I sighed, looking at my hands. "Xander, I'm sorry I reacted that way. I shouldn't have. It was nothing you did."

He exhaled sharply and my eyes shot up to see his filling with anger.

Panic raced through me as my stomach dropped. "Please don't be angry, I really tried not to, but it just got the better of me. I..."

"How could you sit here and apologize to me? Emma, you did nothing wrong. I pushed you too far and I let myself lose control for just a second, and I shouldn't have. I can assure you, I will never do that to you again."

I shook my head and reached for his hand. He sat still, allowing me to initiate contact. "No Xander. I swear. It wasn't anything you did. It's just me. It's something I thought I was ready for, but clearly that wasn't the case. It was me. It's my issue. Not yours. You did everything right."

His face scowled and he looked down at our hands, his finger brushing lightly against my fingers. "I will not touch you like that again unless you say so. I'm sorry Emma. I just couldn't help myself. I can control myself and I promise, that will not be an issue from here on out."

I held his hand and looked into his eyes. He meant it. He had felt my panic, and sensed my heart change. I couldn't bring myself to tell him why, but at least he understood for now, even though that meant he wouldn't touch me again. My heart panged at the thought.

I just met him but I could have let him have all of me. Had I not freaked out. Damnit. I can't let him think it's because of something he did, but I don't know that I can tell him yet.

His face held his look of guilt and he pulled away to stand.

"I'm going to the library to see if I can find anything in the ancient texts about something like this ever happening before, where a human was like you. You're welcome to join me if you'd like." His tone was firmer and more formal, but his eyes looked at me hopeful.

I nodded and stood to follow him into the library. It was huge and had two stories worth of books adorning the walls. In the middle was a oversized fireplace and a sitting area with a large leather couch and two matching plush leather chairs, centered with a beautiful wood carved coffee table and a fur rug.

"Oh my God Xander this is incredible. You kind of buried the lead here. I was not expecting this."

He relaxed slightly and smiled proudly. "It is incredible isn't it? My family has been building the collection for centuries. Hang on, I'll grab the books and meet you on the couch."

As I walked over to the couch, he had already flashed to meet me, holding five large aged books with weathered bindings.

I gasped at his speed. "I don't know how someone can get used to that."