Baby cut deeper

Chapter 1

Allie's pov-

It all started when................

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock. Ugh school.

I quickly got up,changed, and did my hair and makeup. As I walked

downstairs I saw a note on the kitchen table that read:

"Dear Allie,
I'm going to be on a business trip for about 2 months. Be good.

Xoxo,

Mom."

The usual. Ever since my dad left my mom has always been traveling

to make extra money. I'm not trying to sound selfish but she's never

home. I'm always alone, since I don't have any friends.

I sighed and threw the note away. I checked the time, shoot it's 7:56.

I ran out of the house and rod my penny board to school. Crap I'm late.

I walked into the office.

"Ah, Ms. Winston." The secretary said

"Sorry I'm late," I say as talking the late pass.

I quickly run to my first class. ELA. I walk in and everyone stops what

their doing and stares at me. great, cuz I definitely don't have social anxiety.

"Allie, you're late. Again." Mr. Peterson said

I looked down at my dirty,worn out,black vans. I've had them for years and

never had the courage to throw them out, I guess it was because

it was like I was throwing a part of me away. Those sneakers have been

with me through everything, and I guess I grew an attachment to them. I know

I sound like a crazy person, everyone thinks I am anyways.

I dozed off until Mr. Peterson said:

"Take a seat next to Mr. Espinosa"

I walk over and take a seat next to him. Crap I forgot to wear my bracelets to

cover up my scars. I could tell he was starring at them.

I bet you're all wondering why I cut... Well I'm not gonna leave u thinking of it the

entire story, so I will just come out and say it. I cut because I'm not good

enough.simple as that. And no I'm not like girls that say they feel insecure for

attention, I am actually insecure about my looks and my weight and my hair and my

stuttering problem and everything about myself. If you asked me if I had a chance to

change something about myself, what would it be? I would simply say everything.

"Okay class I have assigned you all an assignment due in 3 weeks. With the person

you're sitting next to you must both work together to come up with a meaningful

story about something or even someone that means a lot to you, and before

anyone asks no you cannot write the story about food."

About 10 kids sighed. Yea my class consists of mostly idiots. The bell rang, i quickly

grabbed my books and my bag and walked out.

As I walked out of school I heard someone say," Allie wait up!" I turned around to see

Matt running towards me. I stopped and waited for him to catch up to him.

"I wanted to know if you wanted to work one the project at my house, Ya know,

get started on it early."He said as looking at me directly in the eyes.

He had these gorgeous hazel eyes. The kind you could get lost in.

"Oh-um, sure, I guess" I said as blushing.

(ok I may have a little crush on him but
it was pointless. I mean I've been in the same schools with him my whole life so I knew all his habits, mainly consisting of being a huge fuckboy and getting girls to fall for him just to drop them the very next day. In spite of all those flaws I still though he was the cutest thing I've ever laid my eyes on and I always pictured him being different and maybe someday changing. Like that'll ever happen. Ya know what they say, "once a fuckboy, always a fuckboy?")

we walked to his house which wasn't that far away.

He holds the door open for me and let's me walk in and tries to slap my ass after I was past him, but I guess he forgot I still had those martial art skills from when our moms signed us up for judo classes.

I turned around and grabbed his hand before he got any further and said "nice try Espinosa" while managing to give him a small smirk.

he says," ohhhh I see those judo skills finally came in handy" and he let out a giggle.

Matt and I used to be really close friends and when I say really close like I mean REALLY CLOSE like where we'd have sleepovers at each other's houses still at the age of 12 then last summer happened and it was just a big blur. I lost everyone, including Matt. Like we'd see each other in school and  goof around here and there but it's not like when we were kids. I mean I barely knew what was going on in his life besides the rumors around school about which cheerleader he dated or slept with.

We walked up the stairs and enter his bedroom. (His house looked just like when we were younger except for the new green couch in the living room and a huge, what it appears to be, fruit punch stain on his carpet.

I giggled as plopping onto the edge of his bed and said, " well I see you're still the same messy little boy from back in kindergarten"  referring to the fruit punch stain on the floor.

He looked back at the stain as he was grabbing a hoodie from his closet and said, " you know I didn't completely change after we stopped hanging out?"

Then our eyes met from across the room, there was an odd silence for a bit until I managed to grow a pair and bring up the subject of him ditching me when we entered highschool.

"I mean after all I wouldn't know half the stuff you're up to since u left me for your "viner squad" during freshman year." I say as looking at my shoes.

"Allie seriously, we're gonna talk about me leaving you? You're the one that completely shut out on everyone when high school started, even Laila"

That name echoed through my head.

"Matt you don't know half the stuff that happened to me the summer of 8th grade" I say as my eyebrows began to furrow.

I continued to stare at my shoes and not make eye contact. I felt his body heat right next to me and he grabbed my arm and said

"Allie you're my best friend, you could've always talked to me about it. I'm here for u"

I looked down at his hand still holding my wrist. He could tell I was thinking of something and he finally blurted out

"And this?? I've never pictured you as the girl to cut yourself. What happened to you alls?"

"I-I don't know," I said as covering up my arms.

"Please don't try to avoid it," he said softly

I replied," you wouldn't understand."

"Wanna bet?" He asked as pulling up his sleeve to his sweatshirt and
showing me the scars on his arm.

I knew there was something different about him.