We All Have Secrets

Before Angel's Fall

"Tessa, get up!" My mom shouted from behind my closed bedroom door.

Her yelling made me bolt straight up out of bed. My bedroom was plain for a 15 year old girl. The pale blue walls had nothing on them that showed my personality or who I am, no posters, no mirrors, no pictures of me and no pictures of friend's, nothing. The hardwood floor made my feet feel cold and sent shivers up my spine. I wanted nothing more than to climb back into bed and curl up into my blanket. But I can't do that because today's my first day of high school and I need to look my best to impress... Which is hard to do when you go to a school that you have to wear a uniform to.

I undressed and stepped into the shower, the water felt like fire burning my skin, so I turned it down. My shower took me thirty minutes, which meant I'd have to skip breakfast. But I'm not going to dwell on it, because I've just lost one meal I won't have to pretend that we're a happy family.

"Tessa, the school bus is going to leave without you if you don't hurry!" My mom yelled from downstairs.

It was already 6:40 am? Crap, I'm not even dressed.

I slide on my school uniform sloppily; the white knee socks slide down to my ankles and my button up white shirt and red plaid skirt have massive wrinkles in them. My hair laid straight, stringy and soaking wet on my shirt.

Great I'm going to start my first day at a very prestigious academy with wet hair and a sloppy uniform.

I don't really want to wear the stupid uniform; it made me look more awkward and smaller than I actually am. Without it, I think I look like a twelve year old, with it I look about ten.

"Tessa!" My mom yelled again.

"Coming!" I yelled back. Why does she has to keep pestering me? I know I have to go!

Before running downstairs, I stop to glance at myself in the bathroom mirror. Getting my hair cut to my shoulders and bangs cut straight across my forehead was an extremely bad idea. It just made me look more like an elementary school kid.

I sighed, maybe I should've put the blonde and red in my hair like my best friend Jenny suggested. It might've made me look more mature.

"Tessa Rae Avey!" My step-father yelled.

Oh, no... Oh, no. He sounded angry.

Nothing good ever happens when he's angry... Thank God my mom's home, he doesn't try anything when she's home.

With fear inside of my body, pulsing through every inch. I slowly and carefully make my way downstairs.

"Time to go to school." Christopher looked me up and down.

His look sent chills down my spine, as always. "Okay." I nodded. I can't show my true feelings.

"Remember to come home right after school, I got a surprise for you." He smiled at me.

His surprises weren't good for me either. So I just nodded and headed to the bus stop.

Jenny, my best friend since I've moved here, was waiting for me. We've been the inseparable two since we've met.

"Tessie! I can't believe it! Today is our first day of high school, I'm so excited!" Jenny welcomed me with a hug and a friendly pearly white smile across her tan face.

Jenny can only go with me to Matthews Private Academy because Christopher had put in a good word for her. So she can go for free 'cause she's pretty poor and it's a rich person school. I had to pay for that, it was a "special" time. Chris made me get all dressed up for him... The thing I do for Jenny. To be honest, I don't care about going to school, I don't want to grow up and I don't want to have a decent career. I want to disappear and to be a nobody. But all in all, I really want to be away from Christopher.

"Tessa... Hello? Tessie, what's wrong? You're spacing out." Jenny hassled me when I didn't answer.

"Sorry, um, nothing." I lied.

She sighed and then giggled. "You're such a airhead, you're always spacing out!"

"Heh, sorry." I giggled too, except mine was fake.

Is it alright not to tell her?

Because don't people tell their best friend's everything?

Or is it alright to keep pretending?

Shortly later, the bus arrived and everyone at the bus stop boarded onto the bus. I sat next to Jenny, because I didn't know anyone else and neither did she.

"There are a lot of cute boys here, aren't there?" Jenny whispered in my ear, after she was done scoping out the bus.

I looked around and saw no one interesting looking from the male gender... I don't know what kind of guy I like, I just find them all repulsive... But Jenny doesn't know that, or need to know that. So I nod in agreement.

Once Jenny sees that I've confirmed she get's all perky and looked around some more for a bit until she asks me. "You haven't had your first kiss right?"

Not true, I've been kissed by Chris... But that's force, obviously. I don't think that really counts for a first kiss though.

Jenny, still smiling, turns to the boy across the aisle from us and whispers to him. I didn't dare ask what.

The bus eventually reached school and everyone got off. The aroma at the academy felt more sophisticated than my house, which is pretty up-class with the marble counter tops and granite flooring and glass chandeliers.  As soon as I step a foot off of the bus, the boy across the aisle comes and kisses me. My first instinct is to push him away and to run and hide in the school's bathroom -- which I miraculously find my way to.

Was that what Jenny whispered to him?

What the hell?

That was really unnecessary...

I don't want any guy to touch me... I'm afraid... To be touched.

Oh, God, why can't I be normal? Any normal girl would've laughed at that like it was a joke.

Jenny came running in behind me. "What the hell Tessa?!? That was utterly unnecessary! Adam is going to think we're weird now! For God's sake, it was just a kiss. Do you understand that?"

I don't think Jenny understands me. I know it was just a kiss... But it was a kiss that reminded me of Christoper and how he forced himself on me. What if that guy would've forced himself on me like that? What if he touched me in places that Chris touches me?

I want to scream and to burn off all of my skin. I want to make this feeling go away. "Sorry..." I coughed. I didn't want Jenny to hear how hysterical my voice is, so coughing did it's job to hide it.

"Don't apologize to me! Apologize to Adam!" Jenny yelled.

I don't want to apologize to Adam.

...I want to tell her everything, to say something, to speak, but I couldn't find my voice. So I just stared at her.

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I became happy when my first day of school was over. I don't have to pretend anymore for the day, unless I'm around my mom.

At home, my mom was gone to work -- leaving me home alone with Chris. Chris had his "surprise" waiting for me when I reached home. His "surprise" was the usual... And he did what he usually did. He pinned me down... And he hurt me...

He did stuff to my body I didn't want him doing.

My body is disgusting.