hide n seek | g.d

chapter one | grayson

October 17th, 2017. (four months later)
it's times like these when I miss living in Jersey.
when me and ethan moved to California, I couldn't wait for what was in store for us. we had big plans, but we knew we'd be leaving a big part of us behind.
who knew my biggest regret in life would also be my biggest accomplishment?
"hey," ethan said, snapping me out of my thoughts. I raised my eyebrows at him, as if I was saying 'what?'
"there's a party on the beach tonight."
I nodded in response, knowing where he was going with this. I haven't been to a party in a while, mostly because I like to drink by myself nowadays.
"come with me?" he asked. I looked at him and he had a hint of hope in his eyes. I miss being close to ethan, and I can tell he misses it too. we've always been best friends, inseparable since birth. when I started dating vivian we didn't hang out as much, other than when we were both home. I sighed and shrugged.
"yeah, I guess."
his face lit up and he smiled. "really?" he jumped off the couch and clapped his hands. "okay, party starts at nine, so be ready by eight thirty." I nodded and gave him a thumbs up.
he started walking towards the stairs but turned back around. "don't forget to take your pills at seven!" he yelled.
I cracked a smile, but quickly wiped it away. ethan made me go to a therapist a few months ago, and I got prescribed medicine for my depression and anxiety. I guess it's working, I don't know. my therapist acts like she knows how I feel but I know it's just her job. she doesn't really care to listen.
I checked the clock above the tv and the time read "6:30," so I figured I'd go ahead and shower. I got up off the couch and made my way upstairs to my bathroom.
after I shut the door and locked it, I turned to look at myself in the mirror.
my eyes went wide with surprise and I quickly turned my back.
I had bright purple bags under my eyes; I literally look like I got my shit rocked.
I've become extremely insecure in these past months, I overthink a lot at night.
if something doesn't function properly for me, I'll get so frustrated that I'll cry and won't leave my room for the rest of the day.
I'm almost as dramatic as e now.
-
I got ready way before ethan so I decided if I'm gonna go out for the first time in months, I better make it count.
I'll show her I don't need her.
I locked my door and bent down under my bed and grabbed something that was my best friend during lonely hours.
I took the fifth of vodka that was now only half full and chugged it; the burning sensation going down my throat made my tense body relax.
I didn't want my brother to know I drank, mostly because I didn't want him to bitch at me for drinking while I'm on pills. I looked around my room for an empty container to pour the alcohol in, and I started to get anxious that I'll get caught. my eyes finally land on an empty water bottle underneath a shirt on dresser. as soon I went to grab it, I heard the door handle jiggling.
"gray, everything okay?" ethan said through the door. he sounded concerned, scared almost. he knocked a few times. "I thought we were gonna lock the doors anymore." he knocked again.
my nerves caught up to me and my hands started to sweat. "yeah, I'm fine. I'm changing so I locked the door." I tried not to stutter.
"promise?"
ethan has been really worried about me lately. my therapist, Dr. Wells, and him had a talk the last time I went and he's been up my ass ever since.
"I promise."
I put my ear to the door and heard his footsteps walking away, so I knew I was in the clear. I took a deep breath and took another long swing, then poured vodka into the bottle and hide the fifth back under my bed.
I sat back up and unlocked my door, and to my surprise when I opened the door ethan was there. I guess he realized my expression, which was the 'the fuck are you still doing here' face.
"I'm just making sure you're okay." he said, with a serious face. "are you ready to go?"
I nodded and walked past him down the stairs.
"do you wanna drive separate?" I ask.
he snapped his head up from his phone and shook his head. "no."
I furrowed my eyebrows at him. "do you not trust me to drive? do you think I'm gonna wreck and kill myself on purpose?" I didn't realize I was raising my voice until the words left my mouth.
a hurt look flashed on his face.
"I trust you, but I'd rather not have to bail you out of jail tonight." he directed his gaze down to my water bottle than back to my eyes. "let alone watch you die in the hospital." I went stiff.
he grabbed the car keys and nodded his head towards the door. "come on."
how did he already know? I sighed in defeat, walking as straight as I could out the door, shutting it behind me.