In the Panther's Wake

Chapter 18

I wake up sweating and writhing, my body shaking furiously in the dark. Markus is whimpering and mumbling beside me in his sleep. I pull a match from my pocket and light it. The cave flashes into life from the tiny flame and I glance around. Garth is gone.

I'm shivering and shaking, my body slathered in cold sweat. I squeeze my knees against my chest and tuck in my chin, trying to contain what little body heat I have. Markus struggles beside me, with what must be terrible dreams. I hold his shoulder and shake him awake, unable to bear his horror any longer. He jumps up startled and cries out, panting fast. We see each other for a second before the match dies and we're in darkness again.

"Are you alright, Markus?"

"Yeah, are you?"

"I'm fine. But I can't see Garth anywhere."

"It's so dark," he says.

"I know, but I don't want to waste any more matches."

I squint my eyes, hoping they'll adjust but it's hopeless. The black consumes us.

"We need to use a flare. I can't take the darkness anymore."

"Ok," I say.

I hear some rummaging as Markus searches for his bag in the dark. There's some shuffling, a click, and the cavern lights up in a deep orange glow. Markus smiles at me but his eyes are sad, his forehead covered in sweat, hair soaked. He's shaking too.

"Now what?" he asks.

"I don't know. I guess we should move on, look for Garth."

I stand up and it's difficult; my knees feel weak, my stomach ill and empty. My mouth is bone dry and it keeps making me cough.

Markus sees Garth's picture on the wall and his face grows concerned. I tell him all about it, what Garth said to me.

He keeps shaking his head, "We need to be careful, Bandi. I'm not sure about him at all."

We drink a few sips of water, just to moisten our tongues and throats. We help each other up and then contemplate which way to head. There are three larger tunnels leading out of the cavern and a very low passage that seems to head down deeper into the earth. We listen in silence, hoping for a noise that will help us decide which passage to take. Markus holds up the flare and we peer down each tunnel in turn. Down the very last one, we see a flurry of movement, a shadow darting across the low light. We both stand still, wait for more movement. I glance at Markus. He takes a step forward with the flare. The tunnel leads straight ahead from the wall on which Garth had been drawing. I sniff the air. It seems cleaner, though I'm not sure if it's just my mind playing tricks on me. Clean air means outside. The other ways smell a little smokey and sweet, damp. That makes me think they lead back to where the fire raged.

"This way," I say, "It has to be."

Markus looks at me puzzled.

"Fresh air," I tell him.

"And a scary shadow..."

But I'm already walking down the chosen passage and Markus has no choice but to follow. My own shadow shrinks before me as he catches up with the flare. We hug the walls closely and tread carefully, avoiding anything that might come charging out of the dark.

Familiar laughter echoes from close by and I stop moving, wait. I can hear him grunting and he sounds enraged, filled with fury. He's cursing in the dark and I hear a metallic click behind me. I spin my head to see Markus standing with a flare in one hand and the gun in the other. I face the angry muttering again but there's silence now. A dark shape that wasn't there before is standing a little way down the tunnel. It's motionless, but I feel as though I can see it rise then cower. Raspy breathing scuttles out of the darkness and the shape moves closer, grows larger, until Garth's twisted face is right in front of mine. He has his index finger pressed against his lips, an eerie smile across his face.

I see the shadow of Markus' arm reach out as if from nothing, the gun in hand.

Garth whispers to me, "Who are you, young soldier? Burning and destroying, taking everything!"

His whisper turns into a scream and he launches himself at me. He claws at my hoody and I try to bat his hands away but he's stronger than he looks, holds me down with ease. He tries to bite my cheek but only manages to nip it, though I still feel the warm blood burst from the sting. I struggle, falling to the ground with Garth on top of me. He's scratching at my torso, his sharp nails cutting my skin, even through my clothes.

Markus shouts, "I can't get a clear shot!"

I manage to kick Garth to the side and roll on top of him, desperately trying to push his head down against the rock surface. He bites my hand and laughs, grabs me by the throat and shrieks and wails, his eyes seeming to turn fiery red. He keeps hold of my throat with one hand while beating me in the side with other. I lose strength and he kicks me off, hurls me against the rock wall. I hit my head hard and wilt to the ground. He dives on me again, this time onto my back.

I hear the sound of metal clatter as Markus drops the gun to the cave floor and charges at Garth. He jumps onto his back and wraps his arms around Garth's neck. I roll out of the way as Markus battles the madman to the ground. I crawl towards where I'd heard the gun fall. The flare is dying on the ground beside me and I feel around for the gun's cold grip. I find it, stare at the weapon, then turn to face them. Garth takes a bite out of Markus' arm and he screams loudly before falling to the ground.

Then the beady-eyed monster turns to face me. He stops when he sees me holding the gun, aimed at his chest. Markus is still writhing on the floor holding his arm, and Garth erupts into his sick, gargled laughter. I stare at his eyes, search for the glint of the man who told me about the black panther. The man who told us about great power, another side. He's gone. A maniac left in his place. I hold the grip in both hands and pull the trigger.

The recoil sends shockwaves up my arms to my shoulders, all the way down my spine. I stagger back and drop the weapon as soon as I fire. The blast echoes down the tunnel and sounds ten times its strength. Garth is still on his feet and he smiles at me. Then I see blood seep through his ragged cloak and grow into a puddle of red. He falls to the ground, like a puppet whose strings have been cut, and I know he's dead. I drop to my knees, try to make sense of everything that's just happened. One thought beats like a drum in my mind: I've taken a life... I've killed a man...I've taken a life...

**

Markus drags himself over to me, away from Garth's limp body and we hold each other as the flare light dies.

"You had to," he tells me, "You had to do it."

My breathing is heavy and rapid and I try to calm myself down, as that one thought continues to hammer. We lean against the rock wall behind us. I can't see Garth's corpse but I know it's there. I can feel his dead eyes watching me, like the icy stare of the dead soldier who appeared at the start of all of this. This time it was different. This time it was I who killed, and my stomach is a storm, one that feels as though it will never die.

Markus speaks to me quietly in the dark, "He was insane, Bandi. He was an addict. He needed his opium," he says. "He blamed us. It's all he cared about. It was him or us."

But it doesn't help. I stare into the darkness before me, "You didn't pull the trigger Markus. I did."

Markus doesn't say a word after that, for a long time. I can tell he's wrestling with his own demons. I keep seeing Garth's smile in front of me, bright in the dark. It's a smile that won't ever be seen again, because of me.

Tears drip down my cheeks but I try not to make a sound, so Markus won't see. There we sit, together but alone in the dark; thirsty, weary, cold. We're more alone than ever before. Our own secret torments prying us apart.