Do I Wanna Know, Arabella? (Alexa Chung)

I Messed It Up

Alexa's POV

*

We barely even spoke. "In Glastonbury we exchanged a few words only." I remembered.

Alex is still asleep. I hardly even sleep. How can he sleep? We hardly see each other lately and when we do he sleeps, I know I should be more supportive but for some fucked up reason I want more of him. Living together doesn't cut it anymore, even when were alone together, kissing, making love, it wouldn't be enough. Loving him is consuming me.

I decided to go for a walk. I slid on my denim jeans, put on Alex's navy blue jumper, and my black chelsea boots. On my way out, I grabbed my American Spirit cigarettes, and lighter Alex gave me which he carved a heart with our names in it.

I went for a walk in the park. I cleared my head. I wasn't thinking of Alex nor the distance we've put between us.

I saw a stand where they sell coffee. I slid my hand in my pocket and found a five dollar bill. I approached the coffee stand and ordered an Americano. I handed the guy with the five dollar bill and he said,"It's on the house."

"You sure?"

"I am very sure just like I am very sure you'll be the prettiest girl I'll see today."

This guy is flirting with me, I thought to myself. I thought it was quite amusing.

"Just today?" I played along.

"All my life." He chuckled. "Perhaps you should leave me your number?"

"Perhaps not..." I smiled. "I've got a boyfriend, sorry. But, thanks."

"For what?" He replied a bit blue.

"For the coffee and the compliment."

"Anytime." He gave me a weak smile.

I kept on walking, I didn't know were to go. I just sipped from my cup and walked.

I patted on my back pockets to see if I had my phone with me. I didn't. Luckily, I had my watch. I looked at the time and it marked quarter past twelve.

I knew I had to go back with Alex but something stopped me. I don't know what it was. Probably I didn't want to go.

There's a million things to do here in New York but I just walked.

I arrived home at 4:45 pm. I opened the door and I saw Alex was in the sofa staring into space. He didn't looked at me.

I sat next to him. "Hey." I smiled.

It took him 5 seconds to turn and look at me. When he did, he didn't say a word. "Is everything alright?"

He shook his head.

"I don't think I can do this anymore."

"Do what?"

"This. We are clearly growing apart and I just don't want us end up hating each other."

"So I have noticed. B-but, we can work it out, can we?"

"We already did. We went to Glastonbury, away from everyone and everything. Just you and I, and the music, and we still couldn't save it. We barely even talked on the plane. I want to make this work out, but it doesn't depend just on me, I need to know if you're going to put an effort."