Moonbow - a short novel [Completed]

4.

The lights were on. Min-woo must be reading a book or having tea by now. I rehearsed a short apology in case Kang-min had agitated him earlier. I went inside dragging my bag and saw a gray-haired woman on the couch with a bottle of whiskey in her hand. My mother. Eyes half-closed, she greeted me, “Hi.” She took a swig to welcome me but broke into a series of coughs. I stood in front of her, inspecting her from head to foot. Her hair had more gray from the last time I had seen her, and her gaunt cheeks looked wrinkly and dry. Bruised arms; nails untrimmed. Slurred speech; repeated lies; a wasted life. I had seen her like this before, and each time I allowed my heart to feel for her I would only end up miserable. She laughed a little when I refused to speak. It occurred to me that she had broken off with her lover, because she would never pay me a visit unless she was unattached and alone. “What is it?” I asked. She struggled to sit, pouring the remaining liquor on the couch. I remained on my feet. “I miss you.” That was the last thing I needed to hear. “Enough,” I blurted out. I got her a glass of water and wiped her face with a towel. She leaned on my shoulder and started to sob. “I’m sorry, darling. I never wanted to hurt you.” Something inside me melted. I had long wanted to hear those words. The child in me still craved for a mother’s love. I wanted to say everything’s okay, that she needed not worry because I had been taking care of myself well, that I was capable of protecting myself and that she should go on living her life without worrying about me. Then she said, “It’s you that I want. I promise not to see Dae-wook anymore. Don’t be jealous, darling. Please come back to me.” I felt a ton of bricks dumped on my head. She came to my place after months of not seeing me, and she mistook me for her lover. How stupid I was to think for a second that she came because she wanted to see me. I’d read anecdotes and essays about mothers and wondered half the time why she wasn’t like any of them. And what would I be when I become a mother myself? Would I drive away my children like my mother did? I never pictured myself with kids when I was with Kang-min, and none of the things we did together made me believe we could have a family in the future. Maybe I had deliberately avoided the subject because of my failed relationship with her. Mother said some more words that I didn’t catch. I was too busy licking my wounds. It took me a while before I could speak again. “Here, sleep on the couch tonight.” I tucked her under her fleece shawl. “Go home when you’ve sobered up.” I turned my back on her right before a tear fell from my eye.

I holed up in my room for the rest of the evening trying to contact Min-woo. Something had happened tonight and he could be hurt. He must have gone back to Chuncheon but I couldn’t leave my guest alone. Talk about responsibility. I made plans for tomorrow in my planner and wrote Min-woo’s name on top of the page. I tried calling him again but he remained unreachable.

I dreamed about Min-woo last night. Standing by the seashore, he looked handsome in a dark blue suit. An altar laced in red and yellow petals stood prominent in a distance, and a minister clad in black waited with a bible in his hand. The sun on the far end of the orange sky looked on while empty rows of white chairs waited for the guests. As I approached Min-woo, his face became vivid. There under his left eye a mixture of gray and purple formed a spot. My feet started to take longer strides to reach him fast but his image remained distant, unmoving.

Haraboji stood outside his house when I arrived. A stream of smoke came out of his twisted mouth. I parked behind a gray SUV, wondering who could be their visitor this early morning. “Good morning, Haraboji!” I greeted him after I alighted from my car, my arms looping around his neck. “You look so happy, little girl,” Haraboji said. “Come inside, we’ve prepared breakfast for you.” I walked three steps and heard a female voice somewhere near. “You have a visitor?” I asked. Haraboji looked to the side and my eyes followed. Min-woo came out of his cabin with a young lady. She had long hair and a slender frame, and a smile you could not ignore.