I didn't know, all this time

Nightmares

~heh yeet, thx for reading my story and catching some sterek in ur eye lol. I also just realized that I've been doing Dracalien instead of like ducailien or something?idk, enjoy~

~Derek POV~

I promised I would stay with stiles for the night. Melissa would check up on me and him occasionally. I never realized how peaceful he looked when he slept.

Oh right. I like him.

Oh god. I fell in love with a straight boy! I mean he might be bi? Ok what am I saying. Even if he were to like me back, what about his father. Oof. My thought were disturbed when I saw stiles....
~this part might get triggering, has a theme of suicide and touches on his backstory and the death of his mom~
Stiles was violently shaking and squirming in his bed. I thought he was having a seizure until I heard his say, " don't leave me! Mom!"

It hit me with shock. I knew his mom died when he was younger... But I didn't know about this. " ur worthless stiles, always have, always will be. U killed ur mom!" He blames himself. For everything. " Mom why?! Why did u leave! U said u would never leave me!" He has tears in his eyes.....

" kill me already! Let me die!" He then turns his head violently to the left. His heart rate has jumped really high, he is panting and sweating.

" Do it ducailien! Kill me!" He then started to grunt and turn like he was being punched. I didn't know what to do, until I heard him say this.

" no, Noo! Scott! Derek! Don't die! Don't leave me!" I think he was dreaming that we were killed. That was enough! I grabbed his shoulders and tried to get him up. Shaking him and saying" wake up stiles! It's just s dream!" After a while he did wake up.

He sits up fast and looks around. He is panting and breathing deep. Sweat covered his body. He looked terrified. He was shaking and his heart beat was fast. It jumped even more when he saw me standing there. His eyes widened and had fear all over them. He quickly looked away.

~stiles POV~
Great. Now Derek knows. I look back at him, he has this look. This look like he is scared......of me.  He looked horrified, and he just stood there, staring at me. Guess he didn't know what to do...

"Stiles? W-what was that? A-are u ok?" Derek was completely dumbfounded.
" y-ya I'm fine." I'm stuttering a little. I don't want Derek to know, but it's too late. I don't want people to worry about me....I do t need them too. I'm fine. Or at least it's what I tell myself.

"Stiles, ur not fine! U were screaming!" He says. I mean he wasn't wrong. "Please stiles.....tell me,tell me what's wrong and what THAT was."oh my lord. Don't tell me. Oh he said that.

" I'm sorry I want me to open up? Me? U want to know my deepest secret?! Something that I've worked so hard for to stop?!" I don't know why I was yelling. Why was I taking it out on him? " u never cared about me! Now all of a sudden u care! After months of threats and months of u keeping stuff from not only me, but Scott too?! U want me to open up!!!?" I didn't mean any of it...stop saying it stiles. U mess everything up.

~Derek POV~

Stiles was right. I did always keep secrets from them. But I didn't want them to get involved. " listen, ur right." Stiles looks up with a blank face. "I always hid stuff from u guys. But when I heard that the alpha pack was coming, I didn't want to get u guys involved. They are killers! Everyone I care about always gets hurt!" He then looks like he was going to cry.

"Good thing I'm not one of them." He says. "Stiles, I do care about u! Why do u think I came to help get u? Cause I care about u!" I'm trying not to be to loud at this point. It's very late at night.

He then drops his head down into his hands and starts to shake. His heart beat still fast. " u mess everything up stiles....u always do. Just stop!" He blames himself for everything. He hates himself. The happy-go-lucky stiles hates himself. He then tries to suffocate himself!

" oh my god stiles what are u doing!" I rush over to him and pin his arms down to the bed by his wrists. He struggles a little but, I have super human strength so, he didn't get far.

" let me go let me GO!" He screams at me. He is still struggling. Who knew stiles actually had a little muscle on him. " no stiles! U just tried to kill ur self! Ur a danger to ur self! And u DONT  mess everything up! U fix everything." I say. And as much as I hate to admit it, he does.

He looks away and then looks down. I let go of him and he sits up. I sit on the bed too. Stiles is looking down and playing with his hands. I sigh a little and grab one of his wrists. He emmediatlly looks at me eyes wide. He even tenses up a lot. I then pull him forward into a comforting hug. Stiles has been there for me a lot of times. Even if he didn't want to. But he was. Now it's time for me to be there for him.

~stiles POV~

What the?! Is Derek, mr.sour wolf him self, Derek, actually hugging me? I didn't even know he knew how to hug. I try to pull back a little but he tightens his grip on me.

"W-what are u doing?"I ask. I mean come on. It's odd to get a hug from Derek. " hugging u, duh" he says sarcastically. Ugh really? Come on.

" well obviously, but w-why are u hugging me?" He better actually respond this time.

" ur father and best friend aren't here. U just went through some intense stuff...u needed a friend. U need to know it's ok." I freeze for a little. H-he, he is trying to help me. " now stop being so tense. " I listen and relax, I even wrap my arms around him.

When he finally lets me go, I look away and sigh. I then look up to Derek's gaze. It wasn't rough or prodding like it normally is when he looks at me. Now it's soft and gentle. Caring and kind.

I finally say, " do u really want to know about this?" He nods and I comply. This might be a mistake.

"*insert sigh* it all started after my mom died. I started to have panic attacks a lot. I started to blame myself for a lot of things. I thought I always messed up everything. I would sleep walk a lot and sometimes, sometimes I'd hurt myself when I was awake. It stopped after a while, especially with Scott's help. But recently, ever since Peter all that time ago, I've been having nightmares. Really vivid ones. U guys and people close to me would get hurt or even die. I sometimes get hurt in these dreams as well." And that's that.

~Derek POV~

I look down at my hands for a little. I look up and emmediatlly look for his wrists. He notices and tries to cover them. But I already saw faint white lines on them. Scars.

I look back at his eyes. He struggles to keep eye contact with me. I know it's scary to open up like this. I really do look at his eyes. I see happiness normally u know. But if u look deeper. Really deeper. I can see pain...suffering....hurt.

I break the silence and say," u should get some rest. I'll stay here with u still." He nods and lays back down. His eyelids close. This is a person who has been through so much, and I'm sure he has been through more but just won't tell me.

Sleep stiles. It's ok. I'll always be here for you.

~so I didn't edit this at all lol sry for that! But I hope u enjoyed and feel free to maybe follow me and maybe, idk what u do in this. Anyways thx so much for reading and have a feet day!❤️