The Pretenders | a BTS series

Am I Visible? (4)

December 1, 2017
10:03 AM

    It was a bright and sunny Friday when I went back to the bay. I sat on one of the benches and started taking pictures of the people there, and also the sky, the trees, the sea and … her.

    I was stunned while my eyes are looking at my camera’s lens. I was afraid to look away from the lens. I was afraid that if I looked away, she will be gone already.

    I slowly took the camera off my face and looked at her. She was looking down while sitting on one of the benches there. Under the shade of a tree. She’s wearing the same coat she was wearing when we first met.

    I was afraid. I was afraid that if I approach her, she’ll run away, or hit me on my face. Well, I guess I deserve that.

    We were two meters apart but I couldn’t find the courage to approach her.

    “Aiz-” I was about to call her but I didn’t expect what I saw when I saw her stood up.

    She was holding a stick.

    She looked around to search for the person who called her but she didn’t see me.

    She couldn’t.

    “T-Taehyung?” she said as if it was a casual thing to ask.

    I’m relieved that she couldn’t see me. She couldn’t see the guilt written all over my face and the tears rolling down my eyes.

    I’m done with running away so I hugged her.

    “It’s you.” She said while hugging me back.

    I looked at her and saw a tear fell from her left eye.

    “Where did you go? Why did you leave?” she asked trying her best to not let her voice crack.

    I did too.

    We both sat there. I was looking at her. She was looking on the ground.

    “It was because of me. Isn’t it? I’m really REALLY sorry, if it weren’t for my text, you wouldn’t have gone to the event and you wouldn’t-“

    “What text?”

    “Huh? The text I sent you. The one about inviting you to the exhibit.”

    “I didn’t receive any or maybe I received it after the accident.” She said, then she looked at my direction, “I was on my way there Taehyung, even without your invite. So all these months you’ve been guilty for what happened to me? Is that why you didn’t even check whether I was alright? Or if I even lived?”

    I sighed. My guilt swallowed me whole. No. Fear rather. Fear of facing my fears is what kept me from finding her.

    “I’m so sorry.” I said with sincerity.

    I cupped her face and touched the sides of her eyes. “Is this because of the accident?”

    “Yes.”

    My heart cracked.

    “But don’t worry. All Whalien’s work are stored in here,” she pointed her head, “and in here.” She pointed at her chest.

    She tried her best to smile. “You know Taehyung. I have another theory that I didn’t tell you seven months ago.”

    “Do you really think this is the right time to tell that to me?”

    “Of course, you know how Whalien matters to me right? One last theory.”

    “Okay.” I agreed at her sudden proposition.

     “Since I was young I’ve known that Whalien is a guy with the same age as mine, because that is the only information he told the media, his age. Since then I bought his paintings. I deduced them. I interpreted them as if I was hearing out Whalien himself. I learned that he was a lonely boy but no one dared to know him and know why he’s lonely. I think he was lonely because of his mother, because of symbolisms I found in his paintings. I think he was even guilty but I wasn’t sure about that. He longed for someone that will care for him and will dare to know him like how his mother did. I also learned that he has a thing for extremes. When he’s sad he will use all dark colors in his work. When he’s happy, he’ll choose a pastel palette. There’s no middle ground with him. I also learned that he value his friends so much. I even think he has six of them, because those six same faces are usually in his paintings.”

    “What are you trying to say?”

    “I’m trying to say that all those characteristics matches you.” She bluntly said, “My theory is that, Whalien and Taehyung is the same person.”

    I wasn’t able to answer her.

    “Tell me Taehyung, are you Whalien?”

    I don’t know if it’s the right time.

    “Silence means ‘yes’," she teased me. “You won’t answer? Okay, I’ll count to three. If you don’t answer, it means I'm right, alright?”

    “One.”

    I looked at her pale face and her sightless eyes.

    “Two.”

    I closed my eyes.

    “Three.”

    “I miss you,” I said then my lips landed on hers for a short kiss.

    I saw her surprised expression. She didn’t see mine. She didn’t see the joy on my face.

    “I miss you too Whalien.”

    “Thank you for loving a coward and a liar like me.”

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