Dragon's Requiem

Military Summons

 (Triggers for depression. Please read with caution.)

         Gray doesn't take his eyes off of the floor, concentrating on one block of stone that comprises the kitchen floor. He refuses to look at me or even his wife. Levy puts her hand over her mouth. She keeps her eyes closed, but still has her head turned away from everyone but Gajeel. Gajeel silently puts his hand on his wife's shoulder and pulls her into him. He's been quiet, more than usual. 

          "Gray... Where's Natsu? Is he still at the camp? Did he choose to stay in Carthage?" He looks like he wants to punch someone or put his fist through the wall. It's not just anger in his eyes, though. There's regret and loss. I've seen that look, before. Natsu had it in his eyes when he thought that Gray was trying to take me from him. My father had it when my mother died. He had it again on the day he abandoned me. 

          "Natsu... He..." Gray's voice is breaking and quivers with uncertainty. "He went missing, Lucy. The night after we sent our last letters, we were told that we had to fight for another day, before we could go home. None of us wanted to, but we had to. I was with Natsu through almost the entire battle, but then, not long before the end of the battle, I turned and he wasn't there. He was just gone." Gray's jaw clamps shut as his usually cool exterior melts to expose his anger. 

          "I thought that, maybe he had run to help someone and that he... he would be back that night, when it was over. But, he didn't show up for supper. And he never came back to our tent. The next morning, I checked the medical tent, but none of the nurses had seen him. That's when I told Mira that I was going to check the battlefield, but I looked all over and couldn't find him. I'm so sorry, Lucy. I should have been paying attention to him. Now, I let my brother either get captured or get lost. For all I know, he could have bled out, somewhere... he could be dead and have no one to light his pyre."

          Tears are streaking down Gray's face. Everyone else is stoic and makes no sound, waiting for me to say something or for me to react in some way. They watch as my fist clenches and my body shakes. I hold back my tears. As I stand, I think everyone expects me to strike Gray, but I relax my hand and place it on his shoulder. I can't blame him for this. No matter if he was the last person to see him, Gray is not responsible for Natsu.

          I pick up Cassian and leave the room. I manage to hold back all of my tears, until I am able to shut the door to my room. I hold my son, the only living part of Natsu that I have, and I cry. I sit on my bed and cry while my baby plays with a long strand of my hair. To keep him from pulling it, I tuck my hair behind my ear and give him my finger to hold. He takes it in both of his tiny little hands and babbles to it. Having him hold my hand is almost comforting, but it's hard to be comforted by the results of what makes you feel the most pain.

           After a couple of minutes, Levy knocks on my door while she cracks it open. She calls in to me, "Lu? Can I come in?" I wipe away some of my tears and tell her that she can. It comes out cracked and the sound reflects brokenness of my heart. She slowly makes her way in and sits next to me. Watching my every move, she slowly slides Cassian from my arms and takes him to his bassinet. After making sure that he is comfortable, she returns to sitting next to me. Then, she pulls me into her, letting me cry against her. 

          "He's gone, Levy!" I bawl, pulling my arms to my chest. "Natsu's gone!" Saying it out loud creates a hole in my chest and a feeling like someone has just punched me in the stomach. I wish that the wolf had killed me. If it had, I wouldn't feel this much pain and, perhaps, I could see Natsu, if he truly is gone.

           "Shhh. Everything will be alright." Levy's words of comfort fall flat on my stone floor. I have just lost the love of my life, the father of my child, and she is telling me that things aren't that bad. I almost want to turn to her and spin the venom of my thoughts. I want to hurl them at her, so that she can know how much I'm hurting.

          "It's not alright, Levy!" I wail. "He's gone! He's gone and he's not coming home!"  Levy holds me, mot saying anything. I don't care. Nothing she could say would change anything. Eventually, I fall asleep. Levy takes Cassian, when she leaves, so that his cries won't wake me. I assume Juvia was caring for him.

          For the next few days, I hardly leave my room. The others take over the farm work, but I spend all of my time with Cassian. Levy brings me food, but understands that I need time to grieve. Juvia has tried getting me to come out, but I lock my door and tell her to leave me alone. 

          As the week comes to a close, I hear Levy and Gajeel fighting. I'm not sure what it's about, but it sounds serious. After a few moments, Gray enters the yelling, obviously taking Gajeel's side. It goes on for nearly half of an hour, before Levy scream, "You have no right to tell me what my duties are! I'm going and that's final."

          My door flies open and Levy slams it shut, once she's inside. The noise wakes Cassian and he starts to cry. I hustle over to him and take him out of his bassinet. While I rock him back to sleep, I hear Levy sit on my bed and groan.

          "Sorry for the intrusion, Lu-chan. Your door was the closest exit I had, to get away from Gajeel. I love him, but he cares too much about my safety," she says. I turn and sit on the bed, next to her, holding  Cassian who has finished crying. "I've been a medic, longer than he's been a soldier. I'm a wizard, too, with some expensive training."

           "Why is he so worried?" I ask her. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a folded sheet of paper. From the quality and wax seal, I know that it's a military summons. It's exactly like Natsu's had. She's being called back.

          "Soldiers, they don't need. Nurses are a different story. So, I'm heading back, in a week," Levy explains, angrily. "Gajeel doesn't want me to go. He want me to stay and says that I've been through enough, already, but I know I'm still needed. I'll be needed until this war is over. And I know that I can use my time to search for Natsu.  I just have this feeling that he's trying to get back to you, and I know that he's not dead. If he's out there, I'm going to bring him home."

          "If you're looking for Natsu, I'm going with you," I argue. Levy shakes her head and jumps to her feet.

          "You can't! It's too dangerous, Lu," Levy returns. "Besides, you have Cassian to look after. You couldn't just leave him." I get to my feet, as well and stare into her eyes, intently. I hold my son to me.

          I respond, never breaking my gaze, "Natsu is my husband. I'm going. And I'm bringing Cassian. We're going and we're bringing him home." Levy stares back, her eyes boring into mine, pleading for me to stay. I hold firm. I put my hand on her shoulder. "Please, Levy. I need to find him."

          After huffing her breath out of her nostrils, Levy drops her eyes and shakes her head. She falls back on my bed, head hung and hands folded between her knees. I sit beside her, again, after placing Cassian back in his bassinet. He babbles for me to pick him back up, but I hand him his blanket and he finds it satisfying. 

          "I'm sorry, Levy, but I need to know. I can't wait for him, any longer." Levy drags her eyes away from the floor. After searching my eyes, again, she sighs.

          "Alright. I'll take you."