2:30 am

jackson dropped me off at 10. he insisted that he enter, but i told him it was late and that we could meet tomorrow. he said he would be delighted to spend time with me. we agreed on a café near by. he said to meet at 11 am.

it's now 2:30 am, and i have yet to sleep. since i was 12, sleeping wasn't my priority anymore. it's not that i was some creature who didn't sleep. it's that i simply couldn't sleep.

when i was 14, i learned what insomnia was, and that i had it. i didn't understand why i had it, or how i got it. but i did have it, and i never fixed it.

i ended up staying up all night. it's now 4:30 am. the time i would normally be waking if i even did sleep those nights. even so, if only get 30 minutes or so.

jackson never left my mind, and neither did his mom. if i was hurting him, then i shouldn't be with him. why does everything that i enjoy have to end? jackson was the only person in this spiteful world that saw me as beautiful.

***
it's now 11 am, and still, i've yet to sleep at all. i walked to the café and waited for my beloved jackson.

but no one came.

12:30: still just myself.

1:15: again, only me.

2:30: i sighed and left the café.

this was normal. we'd say we'd meet, but he'd never show. so i'd leave. it always seems like i'm being left.

it's alright, maybe i deserve this.