Bird Song

Chapter 5

That evening I pulled open the door to Meadowbrook, and Rebecca smiled at me, “Hey hun, you're just in time, your mom just woke up. She's been a little down today, so it's a good thing you're here.”

“Thanks Becca. I brought her a new book, I think she's really going to like this one, 'Gone With The Wind'. How are your kids doing?”

“Ah, a classic. They're doing good. Go on now, your mom's in the common room.”

I waved at Becca and walked down the hall to the common room, where the residents got together to watch TV and play board games like chess or checkers. I spotted my mom in a big armchair by the window, looking outside. A few of the residents waved to me as I entered the room, and I waved back. George Packett gave me a toothless grin and motioned to the empty seat across the chess table from him, so I held up the book and mouthed “before I leave”. He nodded and went back to playing his imaginary opponent. I took a deep breath and pasted on my best smile, “Hi mom”. When she didn't turn around I tapped her gently on the shoulder.

The woman who turned toward me was a shadow of the one I grew up with. She stared at me for a moment blankly before a flash of recognition crossed her eyes. My heart swelled with hope, “Tasha, is that you?” and then shattered into a million little pieces.

“No mom, it's me, Kestrel,” early onset Alzheimers had taken the mother I knew and loved from me almost three years ago. I didn't love her any less now, but it was always painful going to see her. In the beginning, before we knew what was wrong, I took it personally. Her blank looks, the way she seemed to ignore me. To my teenage mind she was mad at me, I was doing something wrong. She would yell at me, tell me not to touch her things. I knew I wasn't touching anything I shouldn't be, but I felt guilty.

We knew now that she was just forgetting where she put things, but that point in my life was hard. My mom was slipping away from me and I'd needed someone to turn to. Hunter had been in town for a couple of years already, but I never really thought twice about him before then. I was with Hunter when they found my mom in the middle of Main Street, screaming at everyone that came near her. She didn't know where she was, and she was terrified.

Doc Pepper kept her in his office overnight for observation, and pulled me out of school the next day. He asked me if I knew anything about what was going on with my mom. I told him about everything that she'd been doing. I broke down, telling him I felt that somehow whatever was wrong with her was my fault. Doc's wife rubbed my shoulders in what she probably thought was a matronly way (the couple had no children of their own), but I found no comfort in the contact. Doc nodded somberly as I explained everything to him, finally saying “I think I know what's going on here Kestrel. It is uncommon in someone so young, but I believe your mother is developing Alzheimers”. Alzheimers. It was something real, something solid for me to grasp on to, a way to understand what was wrong with mom, but it didn't make facing the disease any easier.

“Kestrel,” my name rolled around in her mouth as though she were speaking it for the first time, “I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong person. I'm waiting for my sister, Tasha... You look an awful lot like her.”

“I'd like to sit with you for a little while, if you don't mind?”

“That's fine,” and she went back to staring blankly out the window. I sat there with her in silence for a few minutes before opening the book on my lap.

“I brought one of my mother's favorite books, but I don't think she's coming. Would you mind if I read to you until your sister gets here?”

“Oh yes, that sounds nice. I love books.”

“Okay,” I smiled, “'Gone With The Wind' Part One,” a dreamy smile appeared on my mother's face. She may not know who I was today, but at least I could bring her some small happiness. “Scarlett O'Hara was not beautiful...”