Secretly Married To My Professor (COMING SOON)

One ➤ I Still Lie

10 years ago

"But I'm not a liar."

Yeah... you keep telling yourself that.

"I misplaced the gum..."

Another lie. A big one. A cover-up.

But in the end, it didn't matter what lie I told. All I needed was something I could hide behind, something that would explain almost everything showing up on my skin. A reason I could give, whenever asked about gum in my hair, a bruise on my knees, crying in the night. A reason for every lie I came up with to make me stay out of school. Out of the bully's way.

Lying isn't Haram if you're not hurting anyone, right? Right?

If it was a reconciliation, Right?

At least that's what I kept telling myself whenever another lie came over my lips: I wouldn't even know I was lying, I was living the lie.

"How is Hafsa doing ?" That was my mother's only question to me.

My mother was best friend's with Hafisa's late mother, who died a year ago, so she always asked me about her. In her eyes was a hope for me to become like her. A straight 'A' student who befriended all the school, who was a social girl with a fake smile plastered on her face. 

"I don't know," I answered quickly going directly to my room as I heard my mother scream behind me. "Come back here, I am not done talking!"

"Such a disrespectful girl," My mother scream from behind after she heard my door slam shut and my bag was thrown on the floor.

My caring mother didn't know that Hafsa was my bully that joined the rest of the class when they called me nicknames such as four eyes, a cow, and an elephant.

No one in my family heard my voice, No one.

So I decided to change it and to only tell the truth to the one who cares.

The one who never abandons me, Allah.

I brought the prayer mat and prayed Zuhr. After finishing I started pleading to Allah for this test to be over, for those girls to taste the same pain I am tasting right now.

I prayed that I would stop lying, to be beautiful and not have crooked teeth, a fat ass, and the dark circles under my eyes to disappear but most of all, to remove Hafsa from my life and for her to disappear.

Yes, Lunch (I thought), as I went to the dining table which was in the same space as the living room. I watched my mother sitting on the couch.

"Don't you care to apologize," she asked.

"For what ?" I replied.

"Why are you talking back at me ?" She shouted.

"I am Sorry," I knew it was the end of the conversation here so the only rational thing to do was to apologize.

"Where is Baba ?"

"Work," She answered staring at the television and flipping through the channels.

"Maha and Hessa?" I asked.

"In their rooms, of course," She started raising her voice,"They think its a hotel,"

"Why are you dressed up ?" I asked.

"I am going out," She answered "I have a reception (social engagement) and tell Meri to bring you the food," That was her only comment before she answered the phone which suddenly rang and ignored me as she walked out of the house.

"Meri, Meri, Meri" I started shouting but without any replay as I heard the front doorbell.

"Meri went with Maha to my uncle's house" That replay came from Hessa who just came down the stairs when she heard the doorbell.

I watched her as she leaves the house and goes toward the front gate to open the door to get her order. She ordered from 'Burger King' and totally forgot about me.

"Are you a dog, Are you?" I asked as I sow Hessa carrying the bag of burger king in her hands.

"What ?" She asked confused.

"You ordered without even consulting me" I began to get irritated.

"How would I know that you wanted to eat," She said before she left me standing there as she left me by giving me one french fry. "Besides, you got dad's fat gene so you should stop eating fats," She advised.

As I eat the french fry before I went to the kitchen to look for anything to eat but without finding anything so I settled on making my self a bowl of cereal.

I sat at the dining table all alone and the only thing I thought about was how the loneliness consumed me as I looked at people's picture through Instabook

As I sow people sharing their family portraits, the first emotion I felt which I was ashamed of was jealousy. I quickly recovered by saying. "Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli Haal" (Praise be to Allah in every circumstance.)

The light was dimmed, I could only see myself as I started eating the cereal and watching funny videos on Instabook.