Almost V

스물넷

Appa's no cook, but the CPA in him can follow a recipe like no one's business. Together, however, we managed to ruin a roasted chicken, which was still raw two hours into cooking. That's when we figured out that something was wrong with one of our oven's elements. We dumped the chicken, gave it last rites over the garbage can - RIP - and called for pizza. And even though we were a little upset by the failure, our guests - Jacqueline, Anna, and Taehyung - didn't seem it mind.

It's been a week since Nude Beach, and it's the first time Taehyung's been invited inside my house, so I'm nervous anyway. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I've hung out at Taehyung's house several times, and it's so comfortable over there, and now I'm worried it won't be the same here. He already cracked a joke about hanging out with a cop, so there's that, too. Even though I don't think about Jacqueline as being some kind of intimidating authority figure, I can understand why Taehyung might feel that way. Now I feel defensive about her and want him to like both her and appa, and that feels . . . stressful.

But when the pizza's delivered and taehyung's thumbing through appa's DVD collection, things start looking up. Turns out appa and Taehyung like a lot of the same sci-fi movies. Taehyung has no idea what a huge mistake he's just made, because Appa is thrilled out of his mind and will not shut up with the nerd-talk: Have you seen this space-pirate gem from 1977? What about this long-lost 1980 movie? If they start talking about Star Wars, I'm going to have to shut it all down.

The entire time they're talking, I can't tear my eyes away from Taehyung. What I'm feeling for him now is like drowning and floating at the same time. When he gives me a quick look, I'm overwhelmed. Does he feel like this too? This epic connection between us? It's thrilling and frightening. Like the rest of my life.

"Man, you've got it bad," Anna whispers near my ear. "Must have been good, huh?"

Ugh, I shoul never have told her what happened on the beach. I didn't give her details, but maybe that's the problem. She's filling them in her dirty little mind. I bat her arm away, and our discreet, playful slap-fest devolves into immature giggling. When appa and Taehyung notice, something near hysteria rises up in me, and I herd Anna toward the sofa, ducking out of sight.

I'm trying so hard to be more open with him, to talk about . . . all of this. These chaotic feelings. About what happened in the back of the van. We haven't been together again, not like that. Haven't had time. We've had some lovely deep kisses in front of the van after work and a lot of midnight phone calls about nothing much at all, really - we just needed to hear each other's voices. but every time I try to tell him how I really feel, how much I really feel, my chest feels like a hundred-pound fiery fist is squeezing my heart.

Sheer panic.

Once a coward, always a coward.

What if I can't change? If I can't be as honest and open as he needs me to be? As reliable a friend as Anna wants me to be? What if Joon Hyungjoon ruined me forever? That's what scares me the most.

After all the mae-on-male sci-fi talk, we all retire to the porch and sit around the patio table near the tree that grows through the roof. Appa brings out the holy worn game box.

"Okay," he says very seriously. "What Suzy and I are choosing to share with you tonight is a Bae family tradition. By taking part of this game - this cherish and sacred ceremoy -"

I snort a little laugh while he continues his speech.

"- you are agreeing to honor our proud family heritage, which extends as far back as . . .well, I think the price sticker on the box is from around 2001, so it's pretty ancient."

Jacqueline rolls her eyes. "I'll give it my attention for 15 minutes, Namjoon."

"No, Sergerant Gonzalez," he says dramatically, slicing his hand through the air as if he's some stern politician at a podium, commanding attention. "You will give Settlers of Candy your attention for a full hour or two, because the colonies deserve it."