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CHAPTER NINE *EVERLY*

        Week five. Clara is still on the loose. We are all more than a little stir crazy. It's almost August now, the heat oppressive in it's swelter. We have gone out, but only on the property with police presence. Violet and Jane are still running our errands. Julian is back at the garage but he stays in closed bays and is driven to and from work. The rotation of police officers guarding our safety have been given explicit orders by Julian to stay at the cottage and neglect the garage when he's up there. This pissed me off until he pointed out that the one Clara is really after is Noah. And the one that killed her brother is me.

        Julian. My knight in shining armor. The love of my life. He is so worried, all of the time. About me, about our safety, about my mental state. It breaks my heart. I never wanted this for him. What I want, what we can't seem to get a handle on, is our happily ever after. It's been completely elusive. Remains out of reach still.

        I tell him I'm alright. And I AM alright, mostly. After that initial freak out, I have felt better. I am not myself. But better. I believe him when he tells me he loves me. I don't believe him when he tells me he sees the body of a hero and not the canvas of a lunatic. But I forgive him because his dishonesty is a kindness. We have made love since that day. I allowed him to see all of me and he softly kissed each injury, telling me he was reclaiming that flesh for me. Tears rolled down my face while he treated me with such tenderness. I had forgotten how reverent making love to Julian is. And when we came together it was a gentle and sweet release.

        The hero is Julian. For loving me so completely in spite of myself.

        The look on his face when he saw what had been done to me- I could have handled that so much better. There was a better way to share that with him. He'd tried so hard to keep his expression neutral. But sadness washed over him in a tidal wave. And once I'd started, I couldn't stop my ranting. It was like wildfire ripping through me, burning me alive. And Julian, it burned him, too. Like it or not, I have irrevocably changed him. I hope someday he can forgive me.

        Noah is two and a little miniature genius. One morning I woke to find the door to his room standing open. He'd climbed out of his crib, dismantled the baby gates and the top and bottom of the stairs, entered the code on the alarm and walked out of the back door. I had screamed for Julian, who bolted down the stairs with his gun drawn, wild eyed. But as soon as we ran outside, we saw Noah in the arms of that day's security duty, appreciating the spin of the red and blue roof lights on the police car.

        We changed the alarm code and never allowed him to see us enter it after that.

        Clara has not been spotted in two weeks. There is talk now about discontinuing the around the clock surveillance of the property and instead switching to drive-bys. This has Julian totally up in arms as we sit at the kitchen table with Detective Lang and the local police chief.

        "That's not an option," Julian says with thinly veiled anger.

        "Mr Sawyer, I understand your concern. But we just don't have the resources to continue this level of surveillance indefinitely." I see the thrumming start in Julian's jaw.

        "I highly doubt either of you could possibly understand my concern. If you did, you wouldn't even consider this."

        "Because we have not had any reports of Ms Kinney in the area, we can't continue to rationalize continued coverage here."

        Julian slaps his palm down on the table, making us all jump.

        "That's exactly what she wants!" he roars. "That's exactly what she's waiting for!"