You Deserve Better

Is that your favorite hero to play?

It's one thirty in the afternoon. The sun is hot enough to keep the temperature moderately warm. I'm at the farthest back of the room observing Mr. Castro entertain questions from his students. The first quarter of the semester is almost done. The students are in chaos, trying to complete their instructor's requirements for their first quarter grade. I was once like them – spending a lot of time and energy worrying about requirements that felt endlessly tedious. Thank god I'm done with it all. All that's left is this Practicum subject that requires me to be a teacher's assistant for at least 200 hours, and then I will have to complete another 200 at an office outside the school. It sounds like a lot of work, but my seniors said the hours would go by so fast and I would be done before I knew it. I guess I'll take their word for it. They should know better since they've been here before.

Mr. Castro's last class today ends at seven in the evening, so I still have six hours and thirty minutes to spend sitting on my ass and acting like an invisible figure in each of his classes. I hate Wednesdays most especially. Unlike other days, the time allotted for each subject on this day is three hours since Wednesday subjects are scheduled only once a week. Others are scheduled twice a week, so the time for each subject on other days is only one hour and thirty minutes. Therefore, Wednesday is the worst. It gets extremely boring just sitting and staying awake from one in the afternoon until seven in the evening. There is nothing fun to do to keep myself occupied. Reading would be nice, but I just can't help feeling so sleepy during these hours. Not even the best thriller books can hold my attention. I just want to close my eyes and disappear into a good dream. Of course, I can't do that. I don't want to give my instructor a bad impression. Not if I want to pass this last college requirement.

***** ***** *****

"Thank you for the assistance today. You can go home now," Mr. Castro says.

I can tell that he's just as tired as I am. Anyone would feel exhausted after such a long day. He's taking on more teaching load than what the law allows, but he doesn't mind. He has this burning passion for teaching. Anyone can almost see him glowing the moment he turns his teacher mode on. This is what he was meant to do. He has found his place in this world. No matter how tired he looks, I can tell it's the good kind of tired – the feeling you have after completing a huge task or project, tired but proud and fulfilled. It's the kind of exhaustion that still puts a smile on your face. I kind of envy him for being that way. I'm months away from having to live an adult life, but I still don't know what I want to happen with my life. I have no plans, no goals, no anything. And at times, I feel embarrassed admitting that. I never thought having no future plans could make a person feel like shit.

"See you tomorrow, Sir James," I say in response.

As he disappears into the faculty room, I turn and head for the gate. The guards are standing by it as they always are. I wonder if they also think about their lives the way I do. I'm sure they're facing more responsibilities than I am. They certainly have more pressing problems like money or having food on the table the next week or month. And then here I am wallowing in an existential crisis, or depression, or whatever fancy term they want to call this.

My favorite place to hang out at outside school is right across the street. It's Cyberlink, my favorite internet café, the place where students and adults converge to experience the online world. When I reach the building, I take the stairs since it's located on the second floor. Upon reaching the door, I look inside through the small transparent glass. There aren't many users this time. I slowly turn the door knob to get the door open. When the door opens wide enough, I see him. It's Jayden, my bright light in the middle of so much darkness. He's probably the only reason I get to smile during these nights. I've been crushing on him for months now. I have several crushes just like everyone else, and many of them come and go. But lately, I've been running into Jayden a lot, usually in this café.