Breathe Without You

.1.

~Marimar~
I've always hated adults. Or maybe I've always hated the idea of adulthood. What I hated the most about my inevitable adult years wasn't the responsibilities. I knew I could handle those. It was something about the attitude most every adult has. The complete disregard from one's own feelings, The depressions, The anxieties, The disorders. Abandoning all future plans because you know they will always end up mundanely . In my teens, I was always aware I was living my best years. I didn't let them go underappreciated. Yes, technically at 18 years old I am still a teen, but I know the time is coming. To abandon all hope of making my silly dreams a reality. To abandon all hope whatsoever. Yes, adulthood to me was every human's personal apocalypse.

I had never met someone who, at his age, was so ecstatic for the years to come. He LOVED life. He was excited to get up every single morning, to see what the day ahead had waiting for him. Every middle aged person I had interacted with before I met him, mostly teachers, coaches, family friends, always had the same view towards life. Like it was some type of obligation. They all had the same weary look in their eyes, like life had slowly worn them down until there was nothing left but midlife crisis plagued zombie like humanoids.
I couldn't say he never stopped being a kid, he was one of the most respectful and responsible people I had come across, but was was truly essential, in my opinion, was the youth in his heart. The careful way he presented himself, his humor, his absolute adoration for life.
I don't believe in love at first sight, I think the term itself is vague and utterly ridiculous. Connections between hearts however, that I'll believe. Maybe it was the way he held himself, his constant smile. It made our personalities click. Its so unbelievable , that moment when you meet someone and you look forward to getting to know them on a deeper level.
I felt this and so much more with Toby. Toby stole my whole being, not just my heart. I belonged to him from the moment I realized he was the one person for me. The one person to finally understand every aspect of me.

Toby was my person and I was fully devoted to being his. The only problem was his past, and what came with it. Toby was married. His wife had been his best friend for over ten years. I had to question whether or not his adoration for me was enough to cut through 10 years of devotion for his wife.