Breathe Without You

.3.

When I woke up, I checked my phone to see I had a couple of texts, all from my friend Ashlynn.

Ashlynn
How's cali treating you babe? Hope you're not burnt to a crisp already.
6:34 AM
Girl are you really not awake yet?
7:14 AM
Plz help me that dude Eli is here at Walmart and I'm wearing my brothers old stained shirt. Dear lord have mercy
9:39 AM

I smiled and thought of Ashlynn getting out of her car and not caring she was in that one Guns N Roses shirt she stole from her brother like two years ago.
I decided to call her and tell her how I was doing.

We talked for around 15 minutes before I heard my aunt getting up and going into the kitchen. I put on some socks and headed downstairs for breakfast.
I had a wonderful breakfast with my aunt, and she asked me if today I wanted to go to the beach. I had been waiting for the beach since I arrived.
A little part of me, however, got anxious at the thought of having to wear a bathing suit out in public. I had always been a tad bit insecure about the stretch marks on my thighs and on my butt.
I went to my room after breakfast and put on the white bikini I had brought. I decided to put on denim shorts and a cropped Jackson 5 tee Ashlynn had gotten me for my 18th birthday. I let my short brown curls loose but of course they didn't just flow down like in the movies. I had to reset my curls with a spray of water. Once I was done, I opted for no makeup and black flip flops. I grabbed my small purse, shoved my phone, lip balm, wallet and a scrunchie in it and headed downstairs.

My aunt and I got into her car, and we headed down to the beach, a couple minutes away. She played her favorite music, 70's rock. She turned the volume to "Changes" by David Bowie, and sang it all from memory. One of the many reasons I loved her so much. There was such a beautiful demeanor in the way she did everything. She was young at heart. I sang along with her, because I had grown up with my mom playing these in her car as well.

We arrived at the beach and my aunt took out two large colorful towels and laid them down in the sand. She took out her beach bag and gave me a cold water bottle and took our her book. She had a large sun hat on and a blue swimsuit cover up. There was almost no one at the beach at that time, which I found surprising. I neared the ocean for the very first time and put my feet in the water. It was deliciously cold and waved back and forth. Even if there wasn't many people on the beach, I still felt eyes on me. I wasn't too insecure, I still had my shorts on. I looked around and sure enough, there was a man and a woman, most likely a couple, looking at me from their seats a couple feet away. I dismissed it and took a few steps into the water, and felt the small waves crash against my legs. I bent down and grabbed a tiny seashell and stuffed it in my pocket. I came back to where my aunt was reading and sat down.
"Do you like it?" She asked looking up from her sunglasses. "Yeah, it's really cold though" I said taking another towel and drying my legs a little.

We ate lunch in a small seafood place on the pier, and my aunt and I took pictures together. The whole time I kept a big smile on my face.

When we came home, my aunt said she got a call from work and was needed at the hospital around 5:30. She worked as an on- call nurse and was often needed on her days off. She felt awful for leaving me alone but I told her I'd be fine. She changed into her blue scrubs and put her hair in a ponytail, grabbed her keys and phone and headed out the door.
Since it was still pretty early, I decided I'd walk to a small bakery I had seen on our way back home. It was close enough, so I went upstairs to put on my black Vans and headed out the door.

I walked a small distance from the house to the bakery and I was really craving anything that had cinnamon in it. The bakery smelled absolutely beautiful. I ordered an iced coffee with a slice of cinnamon pound cake. The girl behind the cash register handed me my coffee and my little cake in a small brown bag. I sat down in a table far from the windows, the sun was hitting too hot to sit anywhere near.