The Squirrel War

Zora

I had been fighting several squirrels at once. Every so often, I would glance up and take a look at how the battle was going.

So far, there had been very many casualties on the opposing side. I smiled, barring my yellow teeth at the thought of it.

Taking another look, I noticed there had been many fallen dogs as well. Not surprisingly, some of the dead were Floofy the Pomeranian, Princess the Yorkie, and Chorizo the Dachshund. They had been quite un-warrior-like. Especially Princess, who lived up to her name after being severely pampered and spoiled.

Oh, well. I mused. They weren't much help anyway.

Currently, my battle strategy was to try to trample every single squirrel I could find. If that didn't work out, I would snap my jaw and claw my way through.

I glanced up just in time to narrowly dodge a blow to my very vulnerable tail. I snarled. The stupid squirrel didn't cower and hide. Like he was supposed to. I snarled again, this time a little louder. Nothing happened. I snarled again. And again. And again, and again.

By the tenth "snarl" I was practically barking my lungs out. Stupid little squirrel! Why won't he cower?

In my frustration, I paused, and the 'stupid little squirrel' took the chance to swing an overhead blow at me while yelling,

"DIE!"

"OWWWWWW!" Pain shot through my beloved ears faster than a speeding bullet train. Gritting my teeth, I glared at the squirrel. With rage pushing me forward, I attacked. I lunged. I bit. By the end, this idiotic, stupid, foolish, squirrel will be dead!

"AAHHHHHHHH!"

While I was busy mutilating a certain stupid squirrel, another stupid squirrel stabbed me. Right in the butt.

Excuse your language! My mom would say.

Oh, sorry, ma.

A squirrel stabbed me in the buttocks. Not that it made much of a difference in the heat of battle.

"GRAHHHHHHH!" I yelled at the squirrel. By now, I was in full-blown rage mode.

"DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!"

As squirrel after squirrel fell in my path, my grin got wider and wider.

"Nothing can stop me!" I cackled. Cue evil laugh.

Unfortunately, because I was a dog, I couldn't really evil laugh, so it came out more like this:

"RARARA! RARARARARA!"

Everybody looked at me like I had grown two more heads, a mane of snakes, and a snake tail.

"Uh, carry on." I squeaked.

Thankfully, the battle resumed.

~

After what felt like hours of fighting, I was thoroughly exhausted.

Somehow managing to slip away from the combat, I crashed to the ground behind some trees.

Gasping and panting for breath, I heard voices.

Too tired to move, I just barely lifted my snout to see and hear a very angry squirrel captain yell,

"Guards! Come and arrest this hooligan!"

I also got a glimpse of a plum-and-olive striped tie.

I hated that tie.

First of all, I didn't really like Agent F in general. He was annoying, demanding, and troublesome. I only really kept him around because he was quite useful. And would do anything for me as long as I threatened to eat him.

Second of all, what kind of color scheme is plum and olive? Why olive? Just-no, just-why? Why? Why?

Back to business- Agent F had either betrayed me or cracked under the pressure from McNutty. If it was the first, I had every right to be outraged.

If it was the second, I suppose I shouldn't blame him too much.

But I can. And I will.

After all, I pay him not to crack under pressure.

Either way, I was absolutely furious.

"Curse him and his curseable tie!" I muttered.

I continued to watch and listen as Agent F was dragged away with squeaks of "No!" "Please!" and, "I beg you!"

So dramatic. Honestly.

Still sprawled on the ground, I wondered where the Agent had been taken to, but quickly swiped the thought away as McNutty continued speaking.

"How is the battle going?" she asked in a hushed tone.

"Very well," a guard replied. "However we have lost many." he continued gravely.

"That was to be expected." the captain said, just as grim. "Have you seen Zora?"

"No. I checked around and no one has seen heads or tails (literally) of her. The beast either got scared and ran away, or is now dead." The guard snickered.

Yo! I interjected in my head. I am not a beast, you midget squirrel! And I am very much alive, thank you very much!

As they continued discussing the battle, my mind drifted off into an abyss. An abyss filled with tasty, dead, squirrels.

Soon, I was asleep.