almost >> e.d

001

dear diary; 2am 20th june.

the best time for new beginnings must be now, right? that's why i've moved all the way here, america, thousands of miles away from the dark hole which is england. being here must be a welcome to reality, the real world, and the real life, faced with hot boys, struggling work, and the damn "love" for donald trump.

americas where it all changes for me, i'm going to get my body right, i'm going to get my money right, i'm going to get over my insecurities, and i'm going to be happy. no man, no ex, no boss is going to change my strong future life choices... right diary? why am i questioning you? your just a dumb book i turn to at the end of the day, it's not like you can speak back to me... anyway, not the point. like i said diary, i don't need no man, i'm going to do everything for myself. go to work for myself, look good for myself, and only for myself because in the end, myself is all i have.

earlier today i was talking to a boy about self love, a tall, dark, may i say handsome boy, who also tries to love himself, and not to listen to haters. his name... well that doesn't matter, for now we will call him mystery boy, whom i almost got the number of. we got talking and i told him some advice, advice which seem to bring a small tear to his eye as i poured the final drops of his coffee, at my new basic starbucks job. i told him, every struggle i have known i am thankful for because it has shaped and made me the person i am today, always be thankful for rocks in the path of life.

am i coming off strong yet? that's good, if someone gets a hold of this diary, they shouldn't know the real struggles in my mind, nobody should. if people saw what goes on in my mind, they would be crying the tears i can no longer seem to find in my dry pit of a tear bed. but if i'm coming off strong, that's a good thing, no hints would be given, and you could consider me another strong, english feminist routing for girl power.

girl power. what's that? let's face it diary, the olden and modern days do not have a difference in reality.

pinks still a girl colour and blues still a boy colour in this society. well society can stick that where the sun doesn't shine, because greens my favourite colour. what they going to say about that? put me on the news for breaking the rules of society... oh i do NOT apologise.

rant over... at least it took my mind off mystery boy as i ranted about society, since he's still there, plodding every train of thought acting as if he's welcome, well you're not. i came to america to make boys who are friends, not ones who are considered as anything deeper.

i should probably let you go now, it's reaching 3am and insomnia is eating away at me.

until tomorrow,

arywn xo