True Friends

     How many friends do you really have? I guess it's how you measure what a friend is to you. If you were are to count all the "friends" you have on facebook, or Instagram, or whatever social media site you fancy, your number could be quite high. Even if you went through the list and filtered out those "friends" that you aren't really friends with, but you accepted their invitation to connect anyway, the number would still be inflated. Maybe you felt guilty when they sent you a request. Maybe they are an old school mate and you just want to see how their life is going in comparison to yours, or perhaps, their profile picture is attractive and you don't mind looking at it every day. But are they really friends? Maybe. 

      We use the word friend very loosely. The word friend has as many meanings as the word snow does to an eskimo. Sometimes we put a describer word in front of the word friend to empathize what type of friend they really are. Best Friend, Good Friend, Dear Friend or Ex-Friend are some examples. The mafia have: a friend of mine, and a friend of ours, one is just a wise guy and the other is a "made man", he's untouchable for life. We have so many ways we use the word friend. That's some friend you have there. That could be good or bad. Or, who's your so called friend? That one is aways bad, just like the phrase, with friends like that who needs enemies? There are friends for a day. Someone you meet at a party maybe? You have your fair weather friends, they only come around when they need something. Then there is the ever popular, and mystical, friends with benefits. Though those types of friends are only friends of convenience really. Besides, they tend to cum and go. If we have a job, we have work friends, and they eventually will become old work friends. Not to be confused with an old friend from work, those are friends you made from a previous job. If you are lucky you might have an honest friend. They will tell you when you're being an asshole, or have spinach in your teeth. There is man's best friend, but it's hard to take them out for a beer. We have friends that act like your parent, and friends that act like your child. We all have a loud friend, they made also be our funny or drunk friend. There are disappearing friends. They are similar to the fair weather friends, except they disappear whenever you need something. We have our smart friends, dumb friends, sick friends, rich friends, happy friends, sad friends, poor friends, lazy friends, and crazy freinds. We have friends that work too much or not at all. There are your wife's friends that somehow have become "your friends" too. We have conditional friends, they only maintain a friendship so long as certain needs are being met. We have counterfeit friends, they appear to be your friend, but they aren't and can't be trusted. We will even call a leach a friend. He or she is that person who will always suck the life out of you, but for some reason you still answer their phone call or text message. They are very similar to a toxic friend. They will give you the impression that they are supportive of you, but they are really undermining your every effort.

     So, are all these people really friends? I guess you have to ask yourself, what makes up a "true friend?" Would they feel comfortable calling you for a ride to the airport, knowing you would happily take them and then offer to pick them up too? Are you willing to help them move, and paint their house? Would you give them a key and alarm code to your house? What about your ATM pin? I bet those conditions would narrow your list significantly. How about going on vacation together, at least twice. Anyone can go on vacation with someone once. That often ends a friendship more than it will solidify one. Do they have drop in privileges like Kramer on Seinfeld? George, as flawed as he was, certainly was a friend to Jerry. So I guess you don't have to be perfect to be a true friend, George made that quite clear. And perhaps that is the beauty of a true friend. You like them despite their flaws and they like you despite yours. Often we use the term circle when describing our friends. Like Jack in Meet the Fockers, you can be in or out of the "circle of trust." I like the idea of circles of friends. Each layer or ring that gets closer to the center we can find who our friends really are. Your outer most circle can contain virtually everyone you have ever considered a friend, but they are just acquaintances really, and then inner most circle will only contain your true friends.

     For me, this inner most circle is very small, and it is purposeful. I only have a capacity to be a true friend to a small hand full of people, so if i'm being honest to others, I can only let someone in my inner circle if I am able to commit fully to being a true friend. So the next time you look at your facebook page, or number of instagram followers, and you still think those numbers mean anything, then think about this. You have one day left to live on this earth, who are you spending it with? Think for a second...because, those truly are your only friends.

j.t.Baruch