When He Returns

Let's Spend The Time Together

He can feel Keito trailing him, but he didn't mind looking back. He's still unsure on what to say, how to react or which face would he show the guy after their group meeting earlier.

"I passed the audition at the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts. And I would like to ask for everyone's opinion, and if possible, your permission for me to go."

He felt something inside him shatter once again as he remembered how Keito broke the news to them.

Keito promised he'll be back and it's only about a matter of 2 years. He'll surely do his best there, for his own and for the group. He is sure that Keito will improve and that the group will also rise with him. And that's only within 2 years time. So the group approved of this and allowed him to go to New York and have his activities as a member of JUMP in hiatus.

But a part of him is still rejecting the thought. They were all seated there just a while ago, with their managers, to talk about the situation. And he was there. Sitting silently. His mind is blank and he also doesn't know where to find his emotions. While everyone was talking and discussing how would JUMP be within the time that Keito wouldn't be with them, he was there. And he's blank.

He remembered that time where he got pranked by everyone about Yuto "wanting to quit" JUMP. And that time, is just like this time. But this time, it stings deeply. Deep deep down his heart, his whole being. No one knew how a joke had him hurting. What more this reality. He's certain that it isn't a joke. There was the proof. The letter from the academy. And he knows how Keito wanted this so much, as the latter would oftenly talk about it with him, and he's cheering for Keito when he did his auditions.

But why is he feeling this right now?

He felt Keito caught his wrist but he flinched his hand and swatted Keito's away.

He didn't look back. He didn't say a word. He don't want to do anything, at the same time, he wants to do every possible way to keep Keito with them. With him.

He went inside their van but he immediately slammed the door close before Keito could even get himself close to the vehicle.

He wasn't alone in the van. His manager is already there. They had an exchange of glances, before he heaved a heavy sigh and leaned on the window.

"JUMP wouldn't be JUMP if it wasn't the nine of us..."

And I can't be what I am without him.

He closed his eyes to calm down, only to have himself disappointed when he started tearing up.

~~~

It's been days and all he did was sulk inside his room, play random video game or read manga, but the pain everytime he remembers Keito leaving still stings. And he would just find himself punching the wall with tears brimming in his eyes.

He still couldn't accept it. He thought that maybe he's just overreacting about this. But it hurts. It hurts so much to see a someone you've been with for 10 years suddenly leaving your side. It may only be 2 years, but no one knows what could happen in that time. And he's just not complete without Keito.

Depression started eating him again. Like that time when Ryuu left. Like that time his solo debut was made. Like that time where he got pranked. His mind had been wandering, searching for reasons and solutions. Things that doesn't seem to exist as of the moment and the only thing he could do is to accept things. And still, he couldn't accept it.

He was in the middle of the staring challenge he had with the ceiling when his mother knocked on his room's door, saying that Chinen is waiting downstairs. And with a heart still heavy, he got up to meet Chinen. Or "Chinen".