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Dear Choi Seungcheol,
This must be a complete shock to be hearing from me. I mean I haven't spoken to you since seven years ago. I just couldn't after everything that happened. But I'm not writing this to bring up the past. I'm writing this to tell you that I'm better now. I've grown up. I've forgiven you. I've forgiven you for something that happened over seven years ago. Childish, yes, but better late than never. Am I right?
I've become the person I've always dreamed to be. A person who knows how to love themselves, and not rely on others to do it for them.
In order to become that person, a lot of trials have come along the way. I've obviously encountered plenty of problems in my life. And you are, well were, one of them.
You were a very significant person to me, and you still are, Choi Seungcheol. Just because I haven't tried to connect with you doesn't mean I've forgotten all that you've done. Because of you, I was able to learn. Learn things for the first time.
You, Choi Seungcheol, are the reason why having firsts are important to me.
You were my first everything. My first best friend, crush, boyfriend, kiss, the list could go on and on. And I thank you for that. For making me learn that life is all about new experiences.
Half of everything I've done until now was because you were there with me along every step of the way. But the most important experience I was able to learn because of you was heartbreak.
You, Choi Seungcheol, was the reason behind my first ever heartbreak.
I learned what it was like to feel so broken and empty. How devastating it was to not be able to recognize yourself. All the pain and suffering that eventually made you go crazy. The dark thoughts running through your head almost all the time. And that was all because of you.
I'm not blaming you by any means. I'm actually thanking you. For making me realize that everyone just needs to feel hurt once in a while to wake up from this dream they've been stuck in. That not everything goes the way you what it to. That I have to open my eyes up to reality.
Although it seems quite depressing, it's the harsh truth. And I was able to see that because of you.
So thank you, Choi Seungcheol. For making me learn that experiencing hurt was just one of the ways to become stronger. I genuinely appreciate it.
