She's Like the Wind

5: Willa

I'm still sitting on the couch when mama comes back downstairs. The tears have slowed but my fears have grown, my brain channel-surfing all of life's uncertain possibilities. I've been fighting myself. After Wyatt burned me, I realized what my imagination was capable of, and now I just want to turn my brain off, but of course it's moving faster than ever before.

"Daddy will be home soon. He said he's sorry he stormed out, he was just very frustrated with Wyatt. But he's not mad, and he's coming back , and he'll find Wyatt. Don't worry."

I wipe my eyes and nod. Mama pours me a cup of chai tea and I sip it, petting Sally softly. Settling down beside me, mama flips the tv on and I know she's just trying to get my mind off things. Usually it would frustrate me but I guess I'm grateful this time since I'm tying to turn off my brain anyway. I don't want to make anything else happen.

She settles on a home design show, probably because she knows they're my favorite, and I let myself relax for a few minutes. When daddy comes in I feel a little relieved. He sits down next to me, puts his beautifully tattooed arm around me, and pulls me in for a hug. That's my comfort spot. Wrapped up in his arms. For a time I forget about everything and just rest there, mama on one side, daddy on the other, arms of love around me, Sally on my lap, and a house renovation on the television. But I know things can't stay like this.

"Daddy, why'd you get so mad at Wyatt," I whisper during the commercials.

He takes a moment and breathes deep before words flow. "It's not that simple to explain. We just, we really disagree on something. Something very important. And, he's... he's not going to stop being mad at me unless I change my mind. But I just can't."

I look at daddy, at the way he looked down as he spoke, felt his arm tighten around me, heard the sorrow in his voice, and I knew. I knew this had something to do with me. Last night I had told Wyatt my fear, that mama and daddy had lost hope in me, that they thought there was something wrong with me. He assured me it wasn't true. But now I knew it was, it was true, they thought something was wrong with me, and Wyatt, my knight, knew it, and he was mad, and daddy, daddy wouldn't listen to him. Wyatt, a fireball, would burn the world down to save me. He never thought he'd have to burn our family, but if they lost hope in me, Wyatt would do whatever he had to.

In my mind I see us again, Wyatt consumed with fire, me an ocean, us in a showdown, Wyatt burns me and I'm gone. But this time I don't look away in fear, I keep watching, watching as fireball Wyatt stands still, as a dam breaks inside of him, water rushing everywhere, and he is no longer a fire but my brother, broken-hearted yet almost relieved, and there I am, standing next to him with my hand in his, water dripping off me, a light rain shower.

"It's about me, isn't it," I whisper. Daddy looks at me and my heart soars, as it always has.

"You have a little something to do with it baby, but don't worry. It's all going to be okay."

He walks slowly up the stairs, more defeated than I think I've ever seen him. He's going to call Wyatt, to see if he can reach him. Mama hasn't moved and as I turn back to the house show on the TV, she pats my hand. I don't know how she can be so calm on the outside.

By the time the episode ends, daddy is coming back downstairs. His face is a stone and I know he hasn't found Wyatt. He sits at the table and I can hear his breath, heavy like a hurricane. In my head I see him breathing out, out, never in, and he breathes the hurricane out and the wind is incredible and blows us around, and I'm floating up, up. I'm like the wind. I think I should be afraid but instead I feel peace, I feel free.

I open my eyes and look at daddy. His usual grin is missing and I can't help but wonder if the hurricane is coming. Mama is still staring at the TV and petting Sally. I realize they just don't know what to do. We've always been a family ripe with communication and forgiveness. This is new. This anger and resentment, running away and ignoring each other. Everyone is in new territory. And I'm the wind, blowing around from one person to the next, the thing that matters and yet doesn't at the same time.  It's unbelievable how much can change in just one day.

I've heard of people with telepathy who can send messages to others and I wonder if my magic could work that way. I picture Wyatt with his dark hair and dark skin, and then I see me, the wind daddy has created, blowing swiftly through his hair and whistling in his ears, and I speak to him. "Please come home. I need you. Come home. I need you." I am whisked away and he's standing there running his fingers through his hair, trying to fix the mess I've created. I've reached him, I can feel it.

I walk over to daddy and kiss his forehead. "It's going to be okay now, daddy," I assure him. "Wyatt is on his way home."

When he looks at me I can tell he's doubting and worrying even more. He wants to say something to me but he's struggling to open his mouth and speak. I'm about to tell him again, to promise him that Wyatt will be here soon, when the door opens quickly, and my knight walks in.

Daddy looks up at Wyatt, Wyatt looks at me, I look at daddy. Daddy turns his head and catches my eye and I smile. "See daddy, I told you Wyatt was on his way home." He breathes a hurricane again and I just hug my brother.