Alleviate // H.S

XXII

"Because it was the setting of her youthful upbringing, she was compelled to halt the nefarious intention and the continuation of control and manipulation. Due to being unforeseen by distinct characters, she..." I pause.

I can't keep that thought from my mind. I don't know how to kiss people, I've never done it properly before and because of that, I have gone and made a mockery of myself in-front of the only person who has ever even shown an interest in me. It must be completely absurd that a girl of my age has never been kissed properly. And that excludes my kiss with Harry when I was 6. I have a feeling that isn't justified as a legitimate kiss.

Harry looks up.

"You okay?" he questions, a furrow in his brow.

Harry has been going around kissing girls ever since that youthful moment between us, therefore he has got to be somewhat expertly in that department, especially judging from all the times I've accidentally walked in on him with girls.

Surely it wouldn't be weird if Harry, my favourite person in the world, showed me how to do it?

He's my best friend and I trust him more than I've ever trusted anyone in my entire life. He gives me advice all the time, so why would this be any different?

"U-uhm," I stutter, which makes Harry sit up from his strewn out position on the bed, concern present in his expression.

I could be way in over my head. He would probably be extremely weirded out by this request, even if he wouldn't show it. He's good at shielding his emotions from me sometimes. I used to take pride in being able to read him like an open book, but for the past few years it's been exceedingly more difficult. I know he has changed. He isn't as happy as he used to be. He's gotten into bad habits that he continuously tries to hide from me, but I know he hasn't changed his feelings towards me. He has always made the same effort to help me and spoil me and remain my best friend. He has granted me something so special with his friendship, so I hope this wouldn't be too much to ask.

"What's wrong?" He asks with way too much concern lacing his tone.

He might laugh, and he will probably decline. He will probably make sure I don't feel embarrassed about it though because thats just how he is. But what's the harm in simply asking? He may opt to giving me advice verbally, which would still be helpful I suppose.

"Well..." I look down as he raised his brow. This is harder than I thought it would be.

He sits patiently as he waits for me to gather my thoughts for him. My face suddenly feels like fire with his gaze burning down on me.

"So you know that date I went on with Tate yesterday?"

"What did he do?" My eyes widen as his tone immediately becomes accusing. Already he looks like he wants to destruct something with how clenched his fists are. I knew he wouldn't like me bringing up Tate because of his unwarranted dislike towards him, but this is just excessive.

"Relax." I say softly, "He didn't do anything wrong. He was perfect actually."

Harry stares at me, relaxing a little bit at the knowledge that I was okay.

"I just-" I sigh, "It was me who was the problem."

"What do you mean you were the problem? You're perfect." He looks thoroughly convinced with what he just said.

Little does he know, his best friend acted like a complete and utter eejit at the end of her first date because she is insecure and can't act like all the other amazing, strong and independent woman surrounding her. I couldn't be more far from perfect and he knows that too. He is the smartest person I know. But he also happens to be the nicest as well, therefore he always says things like that because he cares about my self-esteem. I love him for it, but he knows that I'm weak, therefore it doesn't do anything to boost my dwindling confidence. I know he either says it out of bias or just from a kind heart, but he doesn't need to lie to me anymore.

"No Harry, I'm an eejt. An egg. A fool." I list, burying my head in my hands.

"Okay, what?"

"I-"

"If he's making you feel like you're an idiot, then he is doing something seriously wrong." He states. I sit up from my hunched position against my hands.

"No, Harry, you don't understand."

"Then make me understand," he exclaims exasperatedly, eyebrows lifted.

I sigh. Here goes.

"At the end of our date, of course he walked me to my doorstep in that typical fashion. And just as he was saying goodbye, he leant in to give me a kiss-"

"Excuse me?" Harry immediately interrupts me with a raised voice, "you kissed him?"

"N-no," I can't help but stutter, he already looks really angry and I haven't even explained myself yet. "He was going to, which is understandable because we are grown up and mature and kissing is the normal protocol for when a date goes well, right?"

"No."

"It is. But you don't need to stress because I pushed him away because I am an absolute imbecile."

"Not an imbecile. Just not ready for that yet."

"I don't want to constantly 'not be ready' Harry. I'm sick of it. And I made such a fool of myself, he will never want to see me again." I explain.

"First of all, you're overreacting. He'd be a fucking moron to not want to see you again." He looks straight into my eyes with his beautiful emerald ones. "But I'm still failing to see the problem here. What are you trying to imply?"

How did he-?

"I..."

"You... what?" He pauses. "What do you need?"

"This is going to sound so god awfully stupid Harry, and you can say no. I don't expect you to agree or anything. It's really silly actually, you're definitely going to agree that I'm an eejit. And you can say no. You probably should say no, actually. So, I probably shouldn't even ask, so yeah. Forget about th-"

"God, Everly, just ask it. I won't mind."

I take a deep breath.

"Like I said, you can say n-"

"No." He finishes for me, "I get it."

I stare at him a few seconds longer. He still has a patient composure even though he's probably on the brink of frustration at this point.

"Can you teach me?"

The minute I say it, I look away, too embarrassed to see his reaction.

"Teach you?"

I hesitantly look back to his face, which is holding an extremely confused expression. This was a very bad idea. I don't know why I even bothered. It's way too much to ask. Not to mention, he would probably feel very weird about it.

"Yeah. Never-mind, just forget I said anything," I softly say, giving him a small smile as I hastily make my way up from the bed and towards the door.

"No." He grips onto my wrist, pulling me back to his body that is still sat down on the edge of the bed.

He holds onto both of my wrists to prevent me from escaping.

"What did you need me to teach you?" He asks, tilting his head to try and catch my eye.

I can't help but look away though. I just want him to forget I ever even asked.

"Do you..." He slowly begins "Do you want me to teach you how to kiss, perhaps?"

I bravely look back into his eyes. Of course he figured it out. He knows me like the back of his hand. I swallow a big lump in my throat and regretfully nod.

"Oh." His grip loosens.

He is audibly distressed and his face pales. I shouldn't have put him in this position.

"I shouldn't have even asked, I'm so sorry Harry." I apologise and turn to leave again, but he tightened his grasp, halting me in my step.

"No, wait."

I lightly sigh. He always prefers to talk things through with me, but this is just becoming relentless. I need some space to wallow in my own embarrassment.

"I'll do it."