How Am I Doing?

"I can't believe he broke up with me like that, it was humiliating," you sniffle, your knees curled to your chest as you sit on your sofa. "Ryan, it was awful!"

"I know," he sits right beside you, hip to hip, his fingers drawing slowly through your hair. "He's a dick."

You wipe at your eyes, smearing the rest of your makeup. You'd only been dating the guy a few months, but the breakup had taken you by surprise. He was so nice to you, if not a little out of your league, but you have a thing for muscled arms, it's your weakness. You're not into the fit, obnoxious type of guy, but the muscles ---.

"I'm stupid, aren't I? I should have known that the second I slept with him, he'd dump me!"

Ryan shifts slightly, his cheeks burning. You slept with him?

"I'm sure that wasn't it," now he's uncomfortable. The two of you are close friends, have been for a few years. You were there for him during his breakups, bringing over food, moral support and trashy movies. So, he does the same, just he knows his movie picks are better than yours.

"You don't know," you hiccup slightly, your eyes building with water again. "What if I'm bad in bed, Ryan? What if that's what he didn't like about me?"

Ryan purses his lips; is there a safe way to comment on that? He's sure your bedroom talents aren't the case, but then that would mean he's saying there's something else unlikeable about you, and he's not going down that road. "(Y/N) ---."

You bury your face in your hands, shaking your head. You've only been with a few guys through the years, you're usually pretty dedicated in your relationships, you've never cheated, you're a good person! You have a steady job, are pretty laid back, and you're not very confrontational either --- so why does this keep happening to you?

"Why do men only want women who don't want them?" You suddenly demand, looking at Ryan as if it's his fault. "Why do men always go for someone who might want them, but then maybe won't? It's like you're cave men all over again! Why don't you want the cave woman who you know will build you a fire, and that you're going to have a fire every night!? I'm offering fire! Steady shelter! But freaking no!"

You need to stop watching Set It Up.

It's getting to you.

Ryan runs a hand through his short hair, not sure what to say. You're a pretty girl, smart and comical. You're loyal and always there when needed, but sometimes you can also be... a little much. Not that he'd tell you that, he values his life.

"I don't know. Some times it just doesn't work out." He replies, still brushing his fingers through your hair. He thinks a lot of you, but you can be smothering sometimes. You have it set in your mind that you'll meet your prince charming, fall in love, get married and have children with that white picket fence. He wishes you the best, really, and he does hope you get that.

He just doesn't believe in it, never has.

Life isn't that simple, or that kind.

"Ryan?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for coming over tonight, I know you were busy," you wipe at your face with your shirt sleeve. "You had plans."

"Ah, they didn't matter." He was glad to ditch them, honestly. Ghost keeps trying to set him up with girls, because he's the only single guy in the band now. Ryan likes his independence, not having to worry about dates or constantly texting and giving someone attention. He's tired of relationships, he wants to be on his own for a while.

"Is Ghost trying to get you hitched again?" You lean over, resting your head against his shoulder, and he catches a whiff of your familiar perfume, the scent comforting; you always smell like something soft and sweet, cucumbers and melons, vanilla and sugar, always so girly, but he likes it. You pride yourself on being girly and pretty, but you're also not afraid to ugly cry in front of him either.