My online valentine

1 - Drowning

I wasn't big on Marvel comics , I was really more of a DC guy but for some reason today I grabbed Marvel's 'Secret wars'.
In all sixteen years of my life I've never gotten around to reading Marvel.
I liked their movies , Sure.
But when it came to comics I have always been loyal to DC.

I don't really know why I choose a Marvel comic today , I don't know why I randomly picked 'Secret wars' , but I did.
Maybe it was the fact that I was too lazy to browse for more or maybe it was because it was August and I was too annoyed by school to go through every DC comic to find one I hadn't read before.

Our town was small and the only comic book store was , to put it kindly, absolute trash...and it barely had any new issues. It was mostly just old or used comics and I'd already gone through most of the DC ones.
I didn't like this shitty place.
It was like a small lake , still and uneventful.
Beautiful to look at from the outside.
But when you dived in it was just dirty water.
And whenever I looked around I felt like I was drowning. Like I was drowning and I was screaming but no one could hear me. And sometimes it scared me because I felt like I was the only person in this lake who couldn't swim and everyone around me was happy in their boats.
As weird as that metaphor sounds , I couldn't come up with a better one.
It's almost ironic though, considering I'm actually a good swimmer in the literal sense.
Well, I am now.

I remember the first time I was in water without floaties.
I don't know how old I was but I remember thinking the pool was so huge it could fit a boat in it.
And I remember my mom getting into the water first and holding me as I climbed in and she told me to swim two feet to her.
I nodded and held onto the side rails as she walked back a few steps.
But as soon as I left the rails I panicked.
I started to flail my hands around and the water got into my nose and my throat and I wanted to shout but I couldn't. And it felt like I was all alone even though I wasn't.
And I was so scared until my mom grabbed me and pulled me out of the pool.
I didn't get into the water for two years after that... but eventually I learned to swim.

And yet, sometimes still when I look around myself and see all these people going about their day , living their lives while I just drag myself through mine, it feels like I'm back in that pool and drowning again.

I paid for the book and walked back home.
It was almost evening and the last rays of the sun turned the whole sky into a mix of orange, slowly being absorbed by the dark.

We lived in the better part of the town to be honest, my parents weren't insanely rich but we weren't doing too bad when it came to money.

My house had a wooden floor and a backyard with potted plants which had dried up and withered since nobody really watered them.
I grabbed a key from my hoodie and opened the door. I didn't ring the bell, I was used to being home alone and carrying the key everywhere.
My dad was rarely there, busy with work and what not, and my mom was a math tutor, her schedules often changed.

"Is it you, Erik?", A soft voice asked from the living room.

"Yeah mom it's me.", I responded.
I was a little surprised that she was there, but it was a nice surprise, "How come you're home?", I asked as I entered the living room, still holding the key and the comic.

"I'm surprised that you weren't.", My mom replied, chuckling.

"Ha ha very funny.", I shook my head.
It wasn't a lie though , I spent most of my time in my room. I wasn't exactly a people's person.
That was more of my mom's area.
My mom aka Willemina Winchester was a kind eyed woman in her mid forties , had a weird sense of humor, and it was really easy to make her smile or laugh.
I never understood how someone could be so positive.
If I had a name like that I'd probably not be so happy.