My online valentine

3 - Unencumbered

I spent the next couple of days chatting with Elle. Anytime I got some free time I'd text her.
It was all so new to me.
The time I spent on my phone was usually divided between stupid games and YouTube. But now I waited for her replies with a kind of excitement.

She had a weird sense of humor, she'd laugh at silly things. I think I liked that about her. She had a childlike innocence to her.
But she was also fierce. She'd fight me with everything in her when in came to things she was passionate about.
She was a better debater than I was.
Most of our arguments were about comics.

Elle loved everything Marvel. She loved Iron-man , she loved the Avengers and she loved the X-Men.
I thought they were Meh.
"They aren't meh", she said.

"Yeah but DC is better.", I replied.

"Too dark."

"The world is dark too."

She texted back saying, "Then turn on the light."

I smiled at that. Maybe I thought she was a little naive.
I mean she was fierce, she could be fierce, but she wasn't mean.
I didn't understand how you could live in such a mean world and not have some of its meanness rub off on you.

She wasn't much younger than me, just a couple of months. But she was smart.
She used big words like 'unencumbered' and 'equanimity' , the kind of words that I had to google to know the meaning of.

I learned that unencumbered meant not impeded, free of burdens. Free to move forward.

I felt like Elle was unencumbered. I wasn't the kind to let go of burdens.

I asked her how she knew such fancy words.
She said she read a lot. She wanted to become an actor.

"Sounds cool. The whole fame, money and glamour deal.", I responded.

"I think I just want to make an impact on this world."

"Why?", I asked.

"So people will remember.", she replied, "And I want to do something good. For others. I feel like being famous gives you a platform to make a positive impact on people. I know it sounds stupid."

I didn't understand her. I was not scared of being forgotten.
I guess I was a nihilist .
Everybody lives , everybody lies , everybody dies and everybody is forgotten.
That didn't bother me, almost made me happy, really.

Elle thought differently though , she talked like a child sometimes.
A really smart child , but still a child.
But who am I to judge. Maybe I was the absurd one.
Elle had dreams to make a difference in the world.
I believed it was already doomed.
But the funny thing was I could almost believe it when she said it. She had a unique optimism to her. It was hard to be all dull and gloomy around Elle.
If anyone had the heart to change the world it'd have to be her.
But if only it was that easy.

I didn't say anything about it to her.
She was religious. She was the kind who went to church every Sunday.
I thought it was useless, praying felt like begging and I wasn't a beggar.
But I didn't say that either.
I was not a good person but I wasn't about to make fun of anyone's faith.
Hurting Elle would feel like kicking a puppy.
And I liked puppies.

Cats... not so much.
Elle had a cat. She called it Nymeria.
I smiled because I recognized that name.

"Did you name her after Arya's wolf in Game of thrones?", I asked.