Hi, my name is Ari! And I'm sorry that this diary has to start today because it won't be a great beginning, but I need this.
Today, I was drowning. Not physically, of course. You see, minutes ago before starting to write this, I started crying. It was because I was in such a great pressure that I couldn't take anything else; and because someone else was crying, which is something i can't handle.
So I started crying. And suddenly, I couldn't stop. Because it's like I always have this shield on, it's big and strong and powerful and it protects me of all the things in my life, all the things about me that are not okay. I know that doesn't sound really threatening but it is. Not okay is my breakdown.
So that's it. That's what I was drowning in. I was drowning in all the things that weren't okay. You know the worst part? No one saw me. No one saw me holding back tears walking my way home. No one saw me crying on the bathroom floor. And no one saw me shivering at my reflection on the mirror.
But don't worry, I'm okay now. I just keep repeating the same thing; Remember the rules, sweet girl. Play nice and fake a smile. Do that and everything will be fine.
But most important; I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.
Because if I don't say that, I drown in all the reasons why I'm not.
YOU ARE READING
Ari's online diary
Non-FictionIf you read this you'll have to deal with everything that makes me, me. And I do not recommend you that.
