An Actual British High School

PSHE

Lorna and Chantelle lined up outside Mr Smith's classroom and put their gum in a tissue which was then scrunched up and thrown into the bin.

Lorna sighed heavily and chewed her thumbnail. 'Ugh, PSHE today. We're probably still going to be doing about how to get a job, but only the jobs that Smithy thinks are respectable and appropriate. I was talking to Jake last Friday and he said that the boys had a sheet about loads of different jobs!'

Chantelle raised her eyebrow. 'That's a bit shit; all the options we had were cleaner, receptionist and retail worker! I've got nothing against those jobs, but I don't want to bloody do them! Smithy's a right idiot.'

She put her hand in her blazer pocket and pulled out a large bottle of Black Opium perfume.

Lorna looked impressed. Black Opium was her all-time favourite.

Chantelle smirked. 'It's my mum's. I nicked it from her drawer this morning when she was yelling at Tom for taking ages in the bathroom. Genuinely though, he spends like half an hour doing his hair, but, when he comes out, it looks exactly the same as it did when he began! He's so annoying! Oh yeah, do you want some?'

Chantelle held out the perfume bottle; Lorna took it and sprayed herself. She handed it back to her, and Chantelle sprayed herself as well, and put the bottle in her backpack.

The line began to filter into the classroom, and they started to walk towards the door.

'Lorna Matthews and Chantelle Williams, wait here,' Mr Smith said in an acidic voice. 'I'd like to speak to you both.'

The girls rolled their eyes at each other. They knew Mr Smith was going to have something to say about Lorna's hair and the perfume.

'LORNA MATTHEWS, WHAT THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR?'

'I've dyed it blue, sir.' Lorna said, trying to appear as innocent as she could.

'I CAN SEE THAT! WHY DID YOU DO IT? YOU KNOW IT'S AGAINST THE RULES!' Mr Smith bellowed, his face purple with rage.

'Well sir,' Lorna explained, 'Last night, I was bored, and I couldn't sleep, so I walked down to Tesco, bought a box of blue hair dye, and dyed my hair. As for the part where it's against school rules, well it was also sort of a protest.

'A BLOODY PROTEST? WHAT IN THE WORLD HAVE YOU GOT TO BLOODY PROTEST ABOUT?'

'Well, I was protesting how the school unfairly excluded Leah for a month, forcing her to miss a chunk of her education, just because she had an afro. It's rather unfair and racist if you ask me. I mean, none of the white students have been made to lose valuable lesson time for having their hair natural.'

'Lorna, you don't understand, Miss Price was excluded because her hair was distracting to others, and-'

Chantelle cleared her throat. 'I'm sorry to intrude sir, but I was just wondering, who was distracted by Leah's hair? Which students complained about not being able to learn because of her afro? I'm assuming nobody, seeing as she was excluded before first lesson.'

'Well, Miss Williams, no students actually complained, however, is it not obvious that students would've complained. Anyway, you are going to face exclusion until you return your hair to a natural colour.'

Chantelle cleared her throat again. 'Once again, I do apologise for butting in sir, but couldn't Lorna just sit at the back of all her classes, with me? That way, nobody would be able to see her.'

Mr Smith considered for a second, then said: 'Oh alright. I can't abide paperwork, and that's all an exclusion would cause. But I still want your hair back to a normal colour Miss Matthews.'

Lorna and Chantelle walked into the classroom. Under her breath, Lorna whispered to Chantelle: 'Do you think we've fooled him with all that fancy talk?' Chantelle replied: 'Yeah, I think so. He let you sit with me, didn't he? Also, I'd thought he would've said something about the perfume... But I'm not complaining, last week he made Alice have a shower in PE before first lesson; what a dickcreep.'

Lorna looked skeptical. 'Dickcreep?'

'Yeah it's a new word, I made it up.'

Mr Smith handed out more sheets about jobs. Chantelle looked down at hers, and sighed. Even with Lorna's company, this was going to be a very long lesson.