The Tears That Took Time ( T5 )

Hey Guys...

what's up everybody... it's been a long time since I've been on here.

Let me officially say 'happy new year'(even though we're in June already)... and happy new month to you guys!

I sincerely want to say I'm sorry for going off since August of last year and say thank you to those who thought about me, messaged me or even prayed for me.

these past months have been so much of a terrible experience for me.

My entire house got burned down with all my stuff...

it was so sick and I was asleep inside the house so I literally had just enough time to wake up and run out...

It was a gas explosion from my neighbor's house that caused the whole fire and before fire service got there... let's just say... it's been tough...

so my laptop, my phone and everything went in that fire...

You know when you watch movies and CBS Reality and other stuff and you see things like a building on fire and all that, they look intriguing and when the actors run out and then realise they left something or someone in there, we start screaming shit at them like,

what were you thinking

are you dumb?

don't you realize she's still in there?

run back for her you moron!!

what a selfish bastard!!

(at least I know I did)

and then we start wishing for their death and all that stuff and how it would have been better if they had died in there and all that... but in reality it's different.

The day my house burnt down, I realized that fire is fast, is scary and is paralyzing. That day it was no film trick or stunt or something

the black smoke was real

the choking was real

the tears I cried were real

and everything I lost was real...

it's not something I'd wish on anyone ever. Starting from the scratch is not funny and it's not easy. I became everything I dreaded almost immediately.

I finally understood how really important it is to thank God every single moment for every single thing you ever have because your little might be what someone elsewhere is praying for.

Then this year, I've had to bury a twin... and a parent... in two weeks time a big brother...

I made a few mistakes after the fire and my twin's death. I got really frustrated and angry and I kept wondering why everything that happened were happening.

There was this one time I got so depressed I almost committed suicide.

When my dad went in March, I felt my world crumble because my dad was like my best friend.

I needed an escape and so I turned to drugs... in the long run... it messed me up.

but I've been in treatment since last month ending.

I don't know if I can ever bring myself to write again because my sister was my muse.

I just pray I get better and please keep praying for me...

I love you guys...

so why train wreck??

Cuz I would give anything to unburn these ashes...

and I'm lost as fuck (excuse my French)