What The Heart Needs - The Heart #3 (Sample)

Chapter 2 - Part 1

I was stunned. Never in a million years would I have guessed that she was sick. There was no outward sign to say there was something wrong inside of her.

My word had been tilted off it's axis and I went on auto mode. Falling apart wasn't an option. If I was struggling to cope with the news how on earth was Lacey dealing with it? I had to be strong for her. After she left when I was alone I could try and make sense of what she had told me.

I tried to take in as much as I could. Surgery. They would have to remove the tumour before it became inoperable. My eighteen year old mind had never had to deal with this type of trauma before. I still had all my family members, even both sets of grandparents. I had never lost someone close before. No I couldn't think like that.

No matter what she had to face she would be okay, wouldn't she? I gripped her hands in my hand like a lifeline, scared to let go. It made no logical sense. It was too overwhelming. I hugged her needing to reassure her and myself but it did nothing to soothe the shock and fear I felt.

I was in shock but when her eyes began to water I felt a lump develop in my throat. I swallowed and I felt like I was about to cry when her tears began to spill. We hugged and leaned in to each other trying to make sense of something so serious. Now I understood why she had been acting so strangely. I didn't think I would be able to handle it as well as she was.

I felt like I was drowning and there was no way to avoid the suffocation. I wiped her tears determined to be stable and strong for her. She needed me to help her through this difficult time. I would do whatever I had to to ensure she got all the support she needed.

Then I remembered Gray was still waiting outside for her.

"You still haven't explained why Gray is here?" I asked.

The way she smiled left me with no doubt that things had finally progressed for them. Her obvious happiness lifted my heavy heart.

It was a glimmer of hope in the dark and I couldn't help myself when I winked and said, "I told you so."

I held it together until she left. After I closed the door I leant against, feeling the emotions I had successfully suppressed up to that point.

I made it into the living room before I began to shake. The shock of what I had just discovered hitting me with a severity I had never experienced before.

She'll be fine. I told myself. She is young and strong. Yes. I nodded. She would be okay.

I stood up and began to pace as I reasoned why I couldn't blow it out of proportion. Feeling like if I gave thought to the worst possible scenario it would take hold in reality. No I couldn't allow my mind to fixate on the chance that this could be really bad.

Still trying to process my thoughts I went into the kitchen and poured myself some water. I drank a couple of gulps and set it down. The clock that hung beside the kitchen doorway told me it was time to leave for college or I would be late.

Could I go to college and attend my classes, taking in all the information I needed to? I stared out the window above the sink. The sun was shining outside. It was a beautiful day with not a cloud in sight.

My best friend was sick. And the darkness inside me felt like it was eating me alive.

I contemplated if it would be worse alone with my thoughts. With a heaviness inside I got my schoolbag and keys. It was better to try and keep busy. I was scared to be on my own but I wasn't sure if I was ready to try and pretend everything was fine.

Just see how you go. I reasoned with myself. If it gets too much you can leave and come home.

With my mind made up I left my house and got into my car. More confident in my ability to hide my inner angst. It was only when I drove past the park down the road from my house I had to pull over. I turned the car off and sat in the car overlooking the swings.

I had so many memories of the two of us playing on the jungle gym and running through the park. Once when she was about six she fell and scrapped her knee. She had held her leg with tears in her eyes. It had only hurt for a few minutes before I had helped her up and we had started to play again.

She never let things get to her. Even when she had started to get her migraines. The tight feeling in my chest was difficult to fight. Should I have known it was something more serious? Should I have insisted she go to the doctor sooner?

The guilt I felt had no basis but it didn't take away the intensity of it. I felt that I should have done more.

Needing some fresh air I got out of my car slamming the door closed. The park was deserted and I walked to the swings hoping being surrounded by our memories would help me cope. I sat down on the swing and held onto the sides of it. I inhaled a deep breath and released it.

Why was this happening? Just when things seemed to be working out for her. She had loved Adonis Grayson from afar for so long and now that she had the chance to be with him this had to happen to her. It wasn't fair.

I lost myself in my thoughts. College and any other obligation I had drifted into the background. There was too much going on in my head to concentrate on anything. I pushed off the ground and lifted my feet. The motion swung me back and forth, soothing the pain inside.

It was a while later before I surfaced back to reality to drag my ass back home and abandon any intention to go to college. I would have to get some notes to catch up but hopefully tomorrow I would be able to cope better.

I got off the swing and returned to my car. I drove back home and went inside dropping my bag back in my room.

My laptop stood open on my desk and I stared at it for a while.

Would researching brain tumours help me to cope with Lacey's diagnosis? I bit my lip unable to move closer to run the search.

No I couldn't do it. I was too afraid of what I would find. I checked the time on my phone. It was already after lunch time. It would be hours before Max was home and I didn't want to tell him what was going on over the phone.

I sat down on my bed. It felt like my head was going to explode from my overactive thoughts. From the guilt, to the fear I felt like I was going crazy.

I needed someone to talk to but my parents were at work.

While I hovered over my call list I saw Aiden's number. He would probably be at college. Did he know? Had Lacey told him about her diagnosis?

I bit my nail as I weighed up the pros and cons of calling him. What if I called him and Lacey hadn't had a chance to tell him yet? I didn't want to jump the gun and have to be the one to tell him.

He hadn't been friends with Lacey long but they had gelled in a way that had skipped years of friendship. I been convinced it was because he felt something for her but as far as I know he hadn't tried to put the moves on her.

Honestly I didn't believe girls and boys could be friends with out there being something more. It wasn't the way we were built. But Aiden and Lacey seemed to be an exception. I personally had never been able to be friends with a guy without something developing. It was probably the reason I had no friends that were boys.

Unable to not do something I sent Aiden a text message asking him to call me when he had a chance and with that I threw my phone on my bed.