Blueberry Muffins

05

five ~ a nervous wait

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no, i can't stop looking
you make my heart beat
out of my chest
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Park Jimin

6:13 pm.

Nerves.

Never before had I ever felt so panicked.

"Jiminie-hyung, would you please stop bouncing around?" Tae asked as I paced/hopped/danced around the living room. I knew I was being annoying but I simply couldn't help it.

I was nervous, but it was a good nervous. It was the kind where your hands couldn't stop moving, your feet couldn't stop tapping and your tummy was full to the brim of hyper butterflies, yet you were still smiling.

My excitement was all due to the fact that Jungkook - and wow, what a perfect name for such a beautiful man - would soon be at my door to begin our date. Despite the butterflies and the nerves, I was ecstatic.

I could not stop picturing those smiling eyes as they gazed so gently into my own. I didn't even know you could gaze gently, but apparently Jungkook could.  And the way he called me cutie literally made me want to squeal and wrinkle up my nose in awe of this stunning man who had asked me on a date.

Ever since I had first laid eyes on him months ago I had imagined what it would be like for such a handsome man to look at me, to smile at me and maybe even say hello to me. I didn't even allow myself to imagine anything more because I knew - or I thought I knew - that he'd never take an interest in me.

But now, my mind was running wild.

If this date goes well, what if..?

What if I get to see his real laugh? Like when you're so happy that even a small joke can make you lose control. I wanted to see him that happy.

I wanted to make him that happy.

What if I get to kiss him? Oh my, I had stolen a few gazes at those perfect lips and they seemed to just call my name, telling me how soft and warm they would be on my own.

Maybe we could turn into something more, maybe I could get to know him more and learn about his dreams, fears and worries.

Okay, stop Jimin.

I had a habit of getting ahead of myself and letting my mind run wild with possibilities.

But what if he thinks I'm boring? What if there's a pause and neither of us know what to say?

No, stop.

It was one date and it hadn't even happened yet. I needed to calm down, relax and just enjoy the slight awkwardness and fun of a first date.

Yeah, that's what I'd do. Stay calm and just see what happ-

"PARK JIMIN! I AM TRYING TO WRITE A VERY IMPORTANT ESSAY! DO YOU MIND?" Taehyung's loud voice ripped through my focused mind and I turned my gaze to my best friend who looked ready to murder me.

I had been pacing and mumbling unconsciously, disturbing my flatmate with my persistent noise.

"Sorry, Taetae," I smiled sheepishly, running a hand through my soft, freshly washed hair, "I'm so nervous. I can't help it."