Digital Tears

Scared

I heard my parents fighting yesterday. I'm participating in [NAME REDACTED] Idol, a singing competition in my city. My dad is against it, to him "Singing is a thing you do for yourself." And plus, he hates American Music that isn't Elton John or anything like Elton John.

My mom, on the other hands, supports me and wants me to do it.

She bought $200 worth of tickets. We aren't financially pushed, if this was 200 dollars worth of spelling lists or SAT books, Dad would've been fine.

But this is singing.

And Mom was buying on behalf of friends. They would reimburse her later, she just was getting the tickets.

I hate it when they argue, and it's usually about me.

I wish I could rip out the parts of me that my dad hates.

My hair: "You don't take care of it. It's all messed up now. You know when you were a baby..."

My skin: "Yuck! Go wash your face, gadhi(ass)."

My eyes: "You don't show any appreciation, and it shows in your eyes. Whatever we do, I don't see the appreciation in your eyes."

My larynx: "What are you singing? Trash" and its the whole reason I can do this competition.

My emotions: "It was just a joke. If you can't take a joke, then I'll just be serious." Pretends I don't exist for at least a week, more if Mom doesn't beg for him to stop.

Dad and Mom went for a walk yesterday. Mom came back 30 minutes after Dad did.

Those were the scariest 30 minutes of my life.

My mom is strong.

I wish there was some reason I could explain this all away.

He doesn't drink.

He comes home by six.

He has Fridays work at home and weekends off.

He is mostly mentally healthy(we think he has OCD, but he won't get it checked.)

But I can't.

I can't explain why my first thought when I saw Dad was back but not Mom was

"Let Mom be okay"