Hamida's Hostage (COMPLETE)

Chapter-3 (Part 2)

“The dowager empress Ruqaiyya begum never fails to leave her audience captivated.” Bahar exclaimed.
“Indeed! She puts up an amazing show. I loved the ghazals. They were so soothing.” Hamida said, while giving Marah the last bite of the kheer.
“They were much needed you know, considering our oh-so-mundane routine.”
Hamida nodded. Life for the long forgotten concubines in the harem was hard. They both stayed silent for a while to let the feeling seep in. The same old itinerary again, from tomorrow.
“Ammi… sleep... Marah is sleepy...” the silence was broken by the tired Marah’s cries. Hamida cupped her cheeks.
“Oh is she? Come let’s put her to sleep then.” Hamida put the soft sheets on her daughter and patted her head on bed. The child immediately drifted off to sleep. Bahar came and sat on the bed beside Hamida, who was merrily patting the child to sleep.
“Hamida, have you thought anything about the future, when your daughter grows up?” Bahar asked, without making an eye contact.
“I will educate her, Aapa. I teach her good manners. Once she turns 5, I will gift her the first books to read.” Hamida immediately had a glitter in her eyes. “She will be a learned woman. My Ammi always encouraged my education, and that has helped me so much in every sphere of my life. Marah will learn to read and write, and…”
“What is the use?” Bahar cut her off, staring at the furnished ceiling dreamily, and eyes that were tearing up. Hamida had never seen such a blend of gentle yet horrifying look on Bahar’s radiant visage before.

“What do you mean, Aapa?”

“Hamida, don’t you see the whole point here?” Bahar looked at her with a matter of fact expression. “What is the use of getting the girl educated? Making her the woman of your dreams? She lives in the zenana, for Allah's sake. Do you not get that?"

Hamida did not understand. She stared at Bahar with a perplexed look. What did she even mean?

“Hamida, I wanted my daughter to learn too. Which mother does not want to see her daughter grow up into a fine young woman? But are we ordinary women now? Far from that. We were thrown into the zenana, Hamida and we had our children here.." Bahar looked at Hamida with ferocious eyes. Her hands shaked.

"I had the same dreams as you have for your child. I wanted her to know, to grow, but…” Tears rolled down Bahar’s cheeks. “It makes no sense now, no matter whatever I wanted or wished, Nusrat had to have the same fate as mine. Today, I don’t see a future in her, I see my past, and no matter whatever I want or try, nothing is taking that away…” Bahar covered her face and sobbed. “My daughter is a concubine to the Emperor too, just like me and you…”
Hamida was numb.
“The thing is, Hamida, once in the Harem, none of our opinions matter. Unless you’re an Empress, a former Empress or a princess, you are just a slave to the emperor; a slave to satiate his sudden cravings, his desires. No one can take this life away from us. Not even Allah. So stop dreaming and living in a delusion dear, your daughter will have the exact life as you did. All dreams shattered; even though her heart might yearn for someone’s love and tenderness, the body will forever be confined to the emperor, and once he gets bored of it, she will be thrown here to rot for the rest of her life.”
“Aapa, stop.” Hamida’s heart was in her hands. Her eyes flooded with tears.
“You think I’m enjoying this?” Bahar stood up. “Hamida, look at me.” Hamida still stared elsewhere dreamily, the words too much for her to take.
“I’ve been there. It hurts to see your aspirations crashed. I wish I had someone to tell me beforehand how horrid a delusion I was living in. The sooner you accept the truth, the better, for you and Marah both.”
Bahar looked at Hamida with an empathetic look. “Hamida, like you and me, like every second woman in this harem, your daughter too will become a con…”
“AAPA, I SAID STOP!” Hamida yelled in agony and pushed Bahar vehemently, who fell on the cushion stuffed seating.  She could not take it anymore. Marah started sobbing loudly at the sudden outbreak of her mother who was looking at Bahar with ferocious eyes. No, she could not even bear the thought of her daughter to live this devilish life, in the confines of this hell. What sort of a mother was she if she could not give her daughter the life she deserved? What ill had the poor soul done? A part her knew Bahar was right, in some way. No matter what you aspire, your very existence in the harem as a part of it will never let you dream, let alone working towards fulfilling it. But she also knew that her determination could move mountains. If she aspires a peaceful life for Marah, she would stop at nothing unless she has it.
Her fair round cheeks were red wet with panic and her hands shook. She hugged Marah close to her breast and looked at Bahar, her expression calm. Marah stopped crying and sucked her thumb.
“Hamida…” Bahar held her shoulder. Hamida moved back and cut her short.
“One thing I am making clear to you Aapa, I know you are concerned about me and my daughter both. But what you said today must not be repeated to me again.” She never made eye contact with Bahar. She was overwhelmed with pain, with abominable thoughts making her mind and heart claustrophobic.
“Dear, listen to me. I did not mean…” Bahar tried explaining. Hamida turned her back to Bahar and laid Marah on bed, again. Her back turned, she said, “Goodnight Aapa. I’ll see you at Ruqaiyya Begum’s quarters tomorrow.”