The calm before the storm {S.M}

2/Sugar cravings

No relationship is perfect. Of course Shawn and I had our problems along ours. The biggest one being the distance. It was obvious that Shawn missed a lot of important moments because he was touring- we tried for him to be present in everything. He'd feel so guilty sometimes ,he'd shut us all out. Then call me crying in the middle of the night

I remember our biggest fight. It was about 6 months ago. We were in an award event,the after party. The kids were over at my mom,so we went at the afterparty.

Shawn and I had been distant because he'd shut me out. Our relationship wasn't in its best place back then.

That night,a girl came and started talking to Shawn. I knew Shawn wouldn't do anything with her,I was just so fed up with the awkwardness between us and I did the most impulsive thing I could have. I told him I wanted to leave,threw a terrible tantrum in the car.And we ended up fighting in the hotel room.

"ITS ALWAYS GONNA BE LIKE THIS WITH YOU,ISN'T IT"-Shawn yelled,so frustrated his neck veins looked like they were going to explode from yelling

I yelled back-"LIKE WHAT SHAWN?"

"I can't take your jealousy anymore! I can't"

I chuckled bitterly-"My jealousy? Last time I checked you were the one who went ballistic because someone at the studio was flirting with me. THATS NOT EVEN THE POINT."

"What's your point,huh?"

"My point is that you're being a selfish prick!"-I say shoving his chest-"You're shutting me out again and I can't do this anymore!"

"Maybe shutting you out will give me some piece of peace"-he said as he loosened his tie.His eyes dark. The shadow hit his face and chills ran through my spine.

"You don't mean that"-I shook my head,trying to convince myself that he was just talking out of anger . That he didn't mean what he'd just said

"I am! God,I wish I could just make you disappear for a while. Life would be much easier not having you there reminding me what a terrible husband and father I've been"

I was shocked. I never said anything about him being a terrible father or husband-"What are you even talking about?"

"I hate you! I hate everyone and everything!"

He slams the lamp against the wall,breaking it to thousands of pieces.

"I wish I'd never met you! I CANT HAVE A FAMILY WHEN IM NOT EVEN THERE FOR THEM! This is all your fault! You made me believe I could hadle it when I can't !"

I wipe off my tears and go to the bathroom. Locking the door behind me. I broke down,sitting down on the cold bathroom floor.

"Fucking hell,what is wrong with me?"

I hear Shawn cuss. I heard him breaking another thing. I took in a sharp breath as I heard him knock on the door-"Alana? Please open the door"

"No"

"Please..."

"I can't"-I whisper-"I won't. I have nothing to say to you"

"You know I didn't mean any of that"

"Words come from somewhere Shawn"-I replied,crying-"I'm so sorry I made you feel like that"

"You didn't!"

"JUST GO AWAY SHAWN!"

I sighed. God,now I even had a headache-"Okay,fine Lana"

I spent the night locked inside the bathroom. I wasn't ready to talk to shawn. I didn't sleep at all that night,I guess neither did Shawn because when I finally got out of the bathroom- he was sitting on the window still,holding his guitar,strumming it lightly ad his eyes wandered outside. When he finally noticed my presence and our eyes met,I saw the dark bags under his eyes had become even more visible. I gulp,suddenly feeling like I needed to cry yet again.