MOVING ON

Chapter 7- Love Hurts

 AUTHOR'S NOTE: FUCK YEAH!          

           I sit on the floor of my room, wondering what just happened. He was my best friend, I think, and anything else would just be inappropriate. I sit in silence until I begin to make those awful choking sounds I make when I cry, and tears begin rolling down my face. I just tuck up into a ball and bury my head in my knees for what must be a long time, because when I come to, I’m face to face with Haymitch, who’s sitting on the edge of my bed shaking his head at me.

            “How’s the hot cousin?” He says jokingly.

            “You aren’t helping, Haymitch, in case you can’t see I’m sort of upset here,” I retort.

            “You’re sad all the time, you’ll get over it,” He says, clearly dismissing my sadness.

            “How’d you get in anyways?” I ask, since I could’ve sworn my bedroom door was locked.

            “Your doors don’t lock from the outside,” He says with a look that makes me feel stupid. Gale left both my house and my room, which obviously explains why Haymitch is sitting on the edge of my bed. “So what happened between you two last night?”

            “Do you really care or are you just asking to make conversation?” I say rolling my eyes.

            “Yes,” Haymitch starts, “I sort of care and I’m mostly just trying to make conversation. Don’t worry, you don’t have to tell me, I know. You and your attractive cousin reunited and had a night full of fun and love until one of you said something stupid.”

            “That’s not true!” I yell at him.

            “Then what is?” Haymitch asks, crossing his arms behind his head and laying down on the bed, “This ought to be interesting,” he adds sarcastically.

            So I tell Haymitch what happened, up until the part about coming home and almost making love to my best friend/hunting partner/pretend cousin.

            “So did you make love to the boy or what, sweetheart?” Haymitch says, obviously wanting a straightforward answer.

            “No, OK? Before he could do anything I told him I didn’t love him!” As I say this, I can feel the tears beginning to roll down my cheeks, so I bury my face in my knees again.

            “Well I’m glad you got that over with,” Haymitch says laughing. I give him a puzzled look and he rolls his eyes, “I like Peeta better, and think you do too, even if you don’t deserve him,” and with that, Haymitch gets up and walks out of the room. After a moment his head appears in the doorway, “By the way, I’m stealing any alcohol you have in the cabinets,” I roll my eyes and fling myself onto the bed. I doze off and only come to when someone’s hand touches my shoulder. I roll over from my comfortable position on my stomach to look at yet another unexpected guest, I’m prepared for Haymitch, or Gale coming back to yell at me, but not for the blue eyes that are now staring into mine.

            “Peeta. . .” I whisper, he brushes some hair out of my face. He sits down next to me on the bed, and all I want to do is pour my heart out to him, “Peeta, I’m so sorry-“

            He cuts me off, “No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have tried to take things any farther than you were ready for, you didn’t do anything wrong. But this isn’t what I’m here for, Haymitch told me you were upset, and I just wanted to come over and see if you were OK.”

            “Yes, Peeta, I’m fine,” I tell him flatly, but I can tell he’s not buying it.

            “Are you sure?”

            “Yes.”

            “Katniss… I know you aren’t alright. You don’t have to pretend for me. Now, what happened?” I want to tell him what happened, but I’m afraid that after whatever has gone on between us, the story will only hurt him.

            “It’s nothing, Peeta, really, just a stupid fight,” I tell him, trying to skirt around this conversation.

            “A fight? With who?” He asks me.  

            “Gale. . . “ I mumbled underneath my breath so he won’t hear me.

            “Who?” He asks again.

            “With Gale! I had a fight with Gale, alright?” I yell at him.

            “Oh. . . “ He looks into my eyes and I see that he is hurt, but pushing down his feelings so that he can help me, “Do you want to talk about it?” I really don’t, but his pleading eyes break me. I tell him every last detail about the fight. Not omitting anything, when I tell him what I told Gale, he looks at me with eyes full of wonder.

            “Well,” he hesitates a moment, then continues, “If you don’t love Gale then. . . Who do you love?” He asks me. All of a sudden every thought I’ve ever had about anyone races through my head, confusing me to the point of exhaustion.

            “I don’t know, Peeta! This is all too confusing!” I yell, my voice catching on the last word as I burst into tears. To try to hide my distress, I roll over. But Peeta just stays by my side, fiddling with my hair while I cry and rubbing my back. After a while, I sit up, rubbing my temples. I move in close to him and he puts his arm around me, I rub my eyes and turn to face him. I stare at his eyes, his eyelashes, they’ve always been his most striking feature, and every day they lose that cloudy look they had after he was hijacked more and more. Something stirs inside my chest, and unlike all the other sincere kisses we’ve shared, this time it’s me who leans in. After a minute, we break apart, and I can’t help but feel guilt for all the pain I’ve put this boy through. Then something in his eyes turns cold, and Peeta freezes, not moving, not speaking. I think he’s just caught in the moment, but then I stop feeling his warm breath against my ear and he tips over, unconscious.