The Art Of Finding Balance [boyxboy]

16

****okay disclaimer: I'm not an expert in mental health so if I say something that's not exactly correct plz forgive me for the sake of fiction. I did my research obviously, but everyone makes mistakes x ****

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The only source of light in the room was the few candles Arden had been able to dig out of supply closet.

The evening had progressed with some more chatting, side by side on the couch. Mycah had found himself drifting closer and closer until he was pressed right up against Arden, through he told himself this was just a subconscious effort to preserve body heat.

(Even he didn't believe himself.)

The lack of electricity had meant that the two were without any source of heat barring each other. Henceforth they had found themselves pressed up together on the couch, huddled under a pile of blankets.

Both of them pretending to dislike the situation while secretly enjoying the comfort.

It was then that Arden finally broached the topic that Mycah had been dreading all night.

"Your turn to talk."

Mycah played dumb, turning to face Arden innocently. "What do you mean?"

"I opened up, now it's your turn. You know what I'm talking about."

Mycah's expression tightened ever so slightly, but Arden must have sensed the other boy's hesitation because he spoke up again before Mycah had the chance. "Only if you're ready. I don't want to force you into telling me anything you're not comfortable with." He corrected softly.

Mycah hesitated again before speaking. "It's fine. Really, it's about time I spoke to someone my own age about it." He shrugged, gearing up for what would surely be an emotional conversation.

Arden smiled slightly, encouragingly. He didn't have to even speak to let Mycah know what he was thinking. Take your time.

Mycah twiddled his thumbs, trying to find the best place to begin his story.

"Do you remember when I was a child? What people used to say to me the whole time?" He began.

Arden shrugged. "That you were a brat?" He suggested teasingly.

Mycah glared at him. "Ha ha. Very funny. Now shut up and let me tell my story."

Arden smiled innocently, miming zipping his lips. Mycah rolled his eyes before continuing his story.

"I mean what people used to say about there being two sides to me. And it's always been true. Right since birth, there's been the black side and the white side of me. By age seven, the charmer and the troublemaker side of me. At eleven it was the good grades but clumsy idiot sides. At fourteen it was the into girls and into boys sides. And around fifteen the side of me that everyone knows know. The one side of my that was happy go lucky, the cheery guy. The one who was always up for a joke and never took anything two seriously."

Arden nodded and smiled slightly, acknowledging that he was all too familiar with that Mycah.

"But at around fifteen years old this other part of me began to make appearances. This depressed, unhappy side. I would miss school for days at a time. I would spend hours on end crying and breaking down and just hating myself."

Mycah's voice had started to waver, and he took deep breaths to steady himself. He didn't dare look at Arden, but realized that somewhere along his story the other boy had placed a comforting hand on his knee. He tried to ignore the fireworks.

He failed.

"But I didn't get why. There's was some days that I'd be having a great time, then out of the blue this sadness would just start to.. I don't know.. take over?" Mycah said, unsure.

"I didn't know what was happening. I didn't know how to tell my parents how I felt. So I said nothing for a while, and every now and then the episodes would stop for a few weeks and I'd think it was all over. But then they'd make an appearance and I'd spiral again and it'd just be one horrible loop. It didn't take long for my parents to notice what was happening. I could barely keep in the tears half the time."

Mycah paused, finally having the courage to look up at Arden.

"You feel sorry for me." Mycah stared, misreading the emotion in Arden's eyes as pity.

"I'm not pitying you. I admire you. All these years struggling with that and you haven't let it change you." Arden stated matter of fact my, his grip on Mycah's knee tightening ever so slightly.

Mycah smiled gratefully before continuing his story.

"My parents had a fair idea of what it could be, but because I was only fifteen I couldn't be diagnosed. But after I turned eighteen this year, we finally got the diagnosis. Cyclothymia. More or less bipolar disorder, without the manic side of it."

Arden was, it seemed, familiar with the disorder. That did not surprise Mycah one bit. That boy practically inhaled encyclopedias. Mycah wouldn't have been surprised if Arden knew more about the disorder then he himself did.

"I have medication, and for the most part it works. For the most part it's manageable. A lot easier then it was when I was sixteen anyway." Mycah laughed bitterly, recalling the three full years he had to spend without a prescription.

"My parents have been great. It's not been easy, but it could be worse. I just wish that I could see that during my episodes. But all I can think during them is negative thoughts. If I'm honest, when they get ready bad I sometimes think I won't make it through them. But then I get through it and realize it's okay. Once I'm out the other side I can see that."

"Jesus Mycah." Arden said, unable to hold it in any longer. "How often does that happen?"

"Not often." Mycah reassured him.

"What's the worst these episodes get?" Arden asked unsure.

"I've had a couple of spells that have lasted over a week. Not since I've gotten my medication though. Now the worst would be maybe four days, but even that would be an extremity."

"Christ." Arden whistled. "I feel so ignorant. All these years you were struggling right under my nose and I didn't even realize."

Mycah just smiled reassuringly at him. "Don't worry, nobody realized. I hid it well."

"You don't say."

They fell silent for a minute, Arden's hand still on Mycah's knee. Mycah still pretending it wasn't driving him crazy.

"Thank you for telling me." Arden broke the silence.

"Thank you for listening." Mycah answered, embarrassed. He didn't like opening up about his mental health problems. Not because it made him feel weak or some bullshit like that. Simply because it was hard to say and awkward and changed things. But things between himself and Arden had been changing for a while, so really it was about time.

"So.. where do we go from here." Arden said, facing him.

Mycah knew what he meant. Were they friends now? They definitely weren't enemies anymore, it seemed. Or maybe this was one of those once in a while good moments, and tomorrow things would go back to normal. (Normal being physical and verbal fights approximately three times a day.)

"You tell me."

Arden breathed out. "It seems like we're starting to put the fighting behind us. Let's just see where this goes. And hey, you never know- we could be punching the shit out of each other come tomorrow morning." He joked, earning a laugh from Mycah.

"You're not wrong there."

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Damn I got another chapter out in the space of like 3 days? Go me :)

My poor sixteen year old self is still working 40 hours a week so it's hard for me to find time to write, but hey! I did this

Enjoy xx

-A