I was sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee in my hands, waiting for him...
The later it was getting, the sadder I was becoming. It was 3 am now. I decided to peek out of the window again, and yet, one more time, I had to face disappointment. It was all dark outside. I made myself another cup of coffee, and, just when I had my first sip of it, the bell rang. I placed the cup on the table and ran to the door. However, it wasn't him!
"Good morning, Ms. Kim.
"Could you come with us?" the cops said to me.
And my instant reply was
"What happened to my husband?"
I was so afraid that my legs were shaking.
"There was an accident last night. A truck hit his car. Because of the imbalance, he..."
"In which hospital is he right now? Please, tell me that his wounds are not that bad..." I said shouting. I was wishing so hard, not think negatively in the situation.
"We are sorry to tell you this, Miss, but your husband is not with us anymore."
At that moment, I felt like somebody had stabbed me right in my stomach. Tears started to fell down my cheeks profusely.
I started to feel sick, my hands were trembling, tears were running off my cheek like anything and then I fainted.
The next thing I knew, I found myself in my room and on my bed. My eyes hurted badly. I glanced at the watch, it was 8. I glanced out of the window and it was dark. I looked into the mirror and saw black circles beneath my eyes.
I wasn't able to stand properly. I decided to have a glass of milk and went back to sleep.
The next day, I made the decision to finally go to the doctor. I found out that I was PREGNANT!
I remembered how he had always wanted to have children, but I didn't, because I had always thought that children are difficult to handle and they will ruin my life!
Though I hate myself for thinking that now.
At first, I didn't wanted to have the child, but then, I realized that the child is the only part of him left with me.
So, I made my mind and, on October 22nd, I gave birth to a beautiful little princess-Sophie.
It had been three years now and she had been constantly asking me about her father and why I was always so sad.
Last year, while I was cleaning her room, I suddenly lost myself in my thought, thinking of him. I was holding Sophie's clay in my hand and, as I started playing with it, I felt happy.
I was remembering my hobby and my job of painting. My studio was the place I met my husband, David.
He had fallen in love my paintings and then he had fallen in love with me. But, after our marriage, I left the studio because I received an amazing offer working in a MNC. In order to buy a new big house, we needed a lot of money...
That evening, I went to the market and bought the materials needed for painting and some clay used for sculpturing.
Ever since I had started sculpturing, I had been in love with it; I love how I could reflect my emotions on the clay.
Last Friday, when I was done with my masterpiece, I stepped back a foot and observed it properly.
It was reflecting a very sad emotion. I looked at the rest of my work. They were reflecting sadness as well. Sophie entered the room and she noticed the same thing. She asked me, "Why are you sad, Mommy? Is it my mistake?"
I wrapped her in my arms and told her, "I'm sorry."
That night, I saw David in my dream. He was smiling the same smile he had given me when he first saw me. His smile was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and he was the best thing to have happened to me before Sophie.
Happiness is something which 'is' in our hands, Even if someone dear leaves us, happiness shall never leave. We all feel sad about the loss; we should! But, we should never let the sadness dominate us. God has given life to us as a gift. If we cry over it, We are disrespecting God.
.......
I know I had lost him! But not entirely-I still have him in my memories. I could still remember his beautiful smile. I still have his photos...his clothes...his presence in my heart. And most of all, I still have a part of him-my Sophie.
Taking the thing in a positive although it is very difficult. If! If...the accident hadn't happened, I think I would have aborted my child and would have never come to know what it is like to be a mother and how magical it is to live.
I 'will' miss David. I 'will' miss his presence. I wouldn't be sad, though, because I will meet him again and we will get the chance to fall in love with each other all over again.
However, next time, I won't deny having children. Instead...David and I will have many!
Until then, I will keep on telling people to love their lives and enjoy every single moment of their lives and I will keep on painting and sculpturing happy faces!
(When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be………
(THERE YOU'LL BE by FAITH HILL.)
- NickiS :)
