Paper and String

The cool autumn breeze made me quiver. Hurriedly, I settled down on the bench on the front porch of the house, wrapping my fingers more securely around the mug of steaming coffee. I watched the leaves with mild interest as they fell off the trees. Autumn always brought back painful memories.

Voices from the front yard brought me back in focus. I watched as Jake ran after a girl. Her name was Alice, and she was Jake’s childhood friend who lived just across the street. Alice was the only thing Jake ever talked about, and I couldn’t help but suspect that their friendship turned into something much deeper. I smiled to myself as they chased each other. I remembered watching them when they were younger. Jake loved pulling Alice’s pigtails, just like how I used to love pulling Abby’s hair just to piss her off.

I felt my chest tighten at the thought of her. Shaking my head, I raised the mug to my lips and let the caffeine burn my mouth. Jake had his arms around Alice, and the two laughed as they collapsed on the grass.

As the sun began its slow descent, I felt a light tap on my shoulder and I snapped back to reality. Jake chuckled as he sat down next to me and placed his arms behind his head. He sighed in content and I watched him intently; my seventeen year old, brown-haired son. He was sort of like a male version of Abby—round face, full lips, and an ever-present smile.

“Hey, dad,” Jake said, turning to face me and offering me a smile. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head. “Nothing, son.”

 “Seriously, dad,” Jake asked.

I sighed, cupping my face in my hands. Silence hung over the both of us as night started to settle in.

“Dad.” Jake shook me. “If it’s about Mom, you can talk to me about it. I’m big enough to understand now, daddy.”

I shrugged. “It’s nothing like that, son,” I said, rubbing my face.

“You don’t seem so happy about Alice and I,” he inquired, turning to face me. “You always told me that falling in love was just some stupid idea.”

I straightened up, placing the coffee mug in between my thighs. Jake looked at me curiously, waiting for my response. I didn’t know what to tell him; he never knew about his mother. He was too young to know about it back then. Jake asked me numerous times about Abby but I refused to tell him with the reason that he wouldn’t understand. I never talked to him about Abby, and Jake only knew her face from pictures.

From my peripheral vision, I saw Jake getting more impatient as the moments passed. I took in a deep breath, closed my eyes, and willed myself to remember every emotion, every word and every event that happened twenty years back.

~~

The locker door made a loud clanging noise as I shut it with much unintended force. The people around gave me looks. I bit my lip in embarrassment and held the physics book closer to my chest. The guitar strap had started to slip off my shoulder but I adjusted it just in time before it hit the ground.

The bell rang and everyone filed into their respective classrooms. I trailed behind, reluctant to go to the Physics lab. Math wasn’t really my thing, anyway, and if I only had the choice I wouldn’t go to school.

 I took a seat at the back of my classroom, setting the guitar carefully next to me. My classmates paid no attention to me; it was expected anyway. I didn’t have many friends, and most of the time I had I spent it with my guitar.

As the teacher launched into a lengthy discussion about projectile and free falling bodies, my mind began to wander off. I tapped the pencil mindlessly against the desk. I had given up taking down notes after the first few minutes, deciding that I wouldn’t learn anything anyway. Feeling drowsy, I observe the people in the room. Most had fallen asleep; some people were texting from under their desks.