Behind The Glass

The Desire To Flee

Prologue

02.03.07

I think I need to stop being friends with Alisha. She's gotten so clingy. I can hardly even look at her anymore. The other day she came up to my desk and I had a hard time lifting my face to her. I thought, if I continue to stare at the corner of my paper while she speaks, surely she'll get the hint and move on—go talk to someone else, anyone else. But nope! There she went blah blah blah-ing while I fought that fire that seems to swell up inside me whenever I can no longer stand the sight of someone.

Oh yeah, and you know that thing mum says I'm not supposed to talk about? Well, it happened again, just as Alisha was blabbing. I still have no idea what sets it off. Thankfully she didn't seem to notice. Anyway, I won't go into detail here. You know what I'm talking about and that's all that matters. I need to be cautious, like mum says. And this, you, could fall into someone else's hands far more easily than I'd like to believe.

But maybe I should begin to track it... just vaguely, like this.

02.13.07

I wonder if something is wrong with me. For some reason, I now no longer want to be friends with not only Alisha, but Danielle and Julia. I mean, maybe the Danielle part makes sense—she's never exactly been my type of person. But still, the point: what is wrong with me? Why is it that I suddenly feel so sick of them? Is it just that I've outgrown them?

Or maybe they've outgrown me? I guess the truth is I just no longer feel connected. It's like they've all grown so close and I'm just out here on the edge of the water wishing we could go back to those days we all knew each other a little less. That sounds weird, doesn't it? Shouldn't I want to be close to my friends?

Oh, you're just a book. What do you know?

P.S. I should add, I noticed that when I'm alone that thing doesn't happen. So maybe it's a sign that I'm meant to be alone. Maybe I'm just a lone wolf.

02.29.07

Alright, now I'm certain of it. I'm a freak. Everyone is so excited for this big, week-long camping trip, and all I can think of is how, my god, I hope it gets cancelled. I have no clue why I feel this way. I mean, I've seen pictures of where we're going and the campsite is gorgeous—all emerald grass and lilies, wooden cabins and plaid, slippers and cocoa.

I guess if I was going without everyone, just going alone, it would be paradise. God. Imagine if I told anyone this? They'd send me straight to the looney bin, cast me away there like some old rag doll with tears all over her plush skin. That's sort of how I feel. Like there are rips all inside the plush of my skin. And I haven't a clue as to why.

All I know is I'm all sorts of torn, and that I don't deserve to be.

P.S. With this upcoming camping trip, the thought of all this togetherness I should say, it's been happening a lot. Haven't noticed anyone notice though. So there's a silver lining.

***

Chapter 1

I spun left, then right, watching the silver silk ripple.

"Smile," I told myself.

My lips twitched in their corners, then fizzled, straightening.

"Scarlet," mum cried. "Are you almost ready to go?"

I looked at the door, wishing I had Matilda's powers to move things with my eyes.

"Julia's just called," her voice rang again, "she'll be here in five."