Leaving Lavender/✔

eight

“Peter, he is the one that comes late at night right? Or am I mistaken?” Thomas had asked walking in for dinner. My lips had pinched, it was a good thing my back was towards him, otherwise he might've seen the flicker of uncertainty in my eyes.
“Yes.”
“A nice guy, I like him.” I nodded and turned the stove off and put a steak on Thomas’s plate.
“Yes, he is a nice man.” My words had come out quietly, distantly, you could tell I've been thinking and my mind wasn't in the present, but clouded in a haze of confusion and confliction.
“How long have you known him?” My forehead had creased, trying to remember the earliest encounter we had, it was earlier this month. The first Saturday of this month.
“Not long, only about a month.”
“No exact date?”
“The first Saturday night Thomas, at nine thirty.” I sighed and looked at him annoyed, a small winning grin on his lips. My eyes had narrowed and looked away from him, afraid I would burn a hole in his thick skull.
“You were gone last night brother.” I said, he had shifted a little but he had looked defeated. It was one to one at this point, but knowing how we usually go with fights, I will most likely win.
“I was?” I rolled my eyes and poured some milk for both of us.
“What? All of the sudden you forget? Don’t play Thomas.”
“I was out.”
“You were out? For what reason? In all of my twenty three years of existing Thomas, you’ve never were ‘just out’.” I had put air quotations around just out, just so he knew what I was talking about.
“Well Lorelei, there’s a first for everything.” I huffed and started to eat.
“We are not ones for new things brother, we’ve done the same things our whole lives.”
“And maybe I’m sick of it...Have you ever wondered what’s out there Lori? What other people are like? Different landscapes? To be alive?” My lips twitched at those thoughts, because I have never.
“No Thomas, I have not.”
    “You’ve never thought about leaving this place?” I shook my head no and took a bite of my steak. It was good, although I expected it too since I had made it.
“No, I have never thought about leaving.”
“Even after everything we had lived through here?” My eyes flicked to his quickly and they had narrowed. He was now on one very touchy button and I only hoped he knew not to push it.
“No Thomas, I do not think of leaving this place. Just because we had gone through… some things does not mean we need to leave this place. Our home has never done anything to us, it was father. This house had nothing to do with the way our Father  treated us.” Thomas’s eyes burned, I had seemed to have pushed or was about to push one of his delicate buttons, and really, at this point, I knew how tonight was going to play out.
“I wouldn’t leave Thomas, my life here is good, it’s good enough for me.” My voice had softened, I was trying to relieve the tension but it did not work.
“If Father  wouldn’t have given you everything you would have left.” I scoffed, I shook my head no and set my fork down.
“No, I wouldn’t have. Because I know either way I would inherit it. None of you wanted this, none of you liked the fields or the work you had to put into this place, so it would have been placed in my hands whether it was Father  or not. None of you cared, all of you were and still too selfish to care what happened to this place.” My words were harsh, there was a raw honesty that had torn at the letters and a secrecy that had been unveiled.
“Father  had picked me Thomas, I’m sorry, but in honesty would you have stayed? No, no you wouldn't have. You’re too much like them.”
“And you’re too much like him.” My jaw had clenched and I had started to feel a hardness solidify my body.
“Do you think I don't know that? That I don't feel that? Thomas I was the one that stuck with him while he died, his last few months were with me. Everyday, every night, I was there. You were out in the fields, you didn't want to see him, you made no effort with him, you hated him. But I had stayed, I stayed with the awful man that put us through absolute hell because nobody deserves to die alone Thomas. No one. So I had stayed.” My voice had cracked at the end, my voice more raw than ever. He had sat still, his jaw tight and ticked by his temples. His fists were clenched, his body rigid. We had stared at each other, as if he was waiting for me to morph into Father  and shove him down into the basement after the beating. I had shook my head, my pointer finger tapping against the table.
“I know you hated him Thomas, we all did, even I did. But he didn’t deserve to die alone. We didn’t deserve anything he did to us. But… but I’m fine here Thomas. I like it here, I like the house, I like the work. I’m content, I have no reason to leave, to explore, to go out and do miscellaneous things.”
“You’re going to end up just like him, you know that right? You already are so much like him.” His words were deep, they were real and raw, and he had left me alone. He had left with a jacket and keys, leaving me alone just what I was afraid of.
I had cleaned, taken a shower, and then I had went to sit out on the bench. I didn’t want to sit in the house, I didn’t want to sleep in there, not when there was still so much tension in the air. I needed fresh air, the cool breeze to nip at my tanned skin. I had leaned against the back, my head resting on my arm over the side. The sky was dark, the moon had hung high in the sky like a pearl. The stars were like little diamonds, adorning the sky like a piece by Tiffany & Co. I had heard a low rumble in the distance, headlights bouncing over the divets in the road. I had wished it was Thomas, that we could have gotten over our argument, but I knew this fit would last longer than usual. We had both gotten under each other’s skin, his words had clawed at me, mine had embedded into his head. It would take us a while to get over it. Peter’s truck had stopped, parked and shut off. I had watched as he stepped out, he had on converse tonight, paired with jeans and a white t-shirt. I definitely liked the look, it had given him more of a younger look, it fit him more than the work boots. I had watched him as he walked over to the porch and up the steps, his long legs making his way to sit next to me.
“Ma fleur, what is wrong?” He had taken the seat next to me and collected me in his arms within a matter of two seconds.
“Nothing is wrong.” I muttered leaning into him, my head resting on his chest, I had pulled the blanket tighter around me.
“You’re lying Rory.” I shrugged and felt him reach for my hand with his other hand and fiddled with my fingers.
“Thomas and I had just gotten into a little fight, that’s all.”
“And he had left?” I nodded and let my fingers weave with his.
“How long have you been waiting for me?” I shrugged and looked up at him, my chin resting on his shoulder. His eyes had looked down, his eyes were a more gray tonight, a liquid silver had contaminated his deep blue.
“An hour, twenty minutes and three seconds.” He chuckled and nodded.
“Sorry to keep you waiting.”
“It's quite alright.” A small grin had set my lips and I had looked away. His stare was always distracting, always intense, it had always left me breathless.
“How'd it go today?”
“Ok, you? What did you do on your day off?” I asked pulling away, a small frown on his lips but had quickly replaced it with a grin.
“Slept most of the day, went to see mom. We had gone outside to take a walk, I had brought over some dinner I had made. It was a nice day.” I smiled a little, it was nice to see him talk about his mom, it was nice to see him talk about his day.
“What were you like? As a child?” I asked, my eyes watching his amused expression. He liked my interest.
“I was quiet around most people. Around family I had been a bit more loud. I laughed a lot, asked a lot of questions. I had read a lot, music was a big thing for my mom and I. We listened to older music, from CCR to Fleetwood Mac to Johnny Cash. My mom loves the old music, the kind you could just… lose yourself. The type that made you feel something, you know?” I had stared at him blankly for two seconds before I had shaken my head.
“No, I don't know actually. But I'm glad you two have that… connection. I'm glad you two have each other.” A small sad smile had lifted his lips and nodded.
“I love my mom, with everything I have.” His whisper was quiet, there was a sadness to it. I had found my hand reaching for his jaw, my thumb catching the smooth of his cheek. His lips twitched, still holding their small sad smile. He had leaned into my hand and closed his eyes.
“This isn't normal… is it?” I asked, he had shrugged and opened his eyes.
“I'm not sure anymore ma fleur, but whatever it is, I'm glad we have it.” And with that, I leaned my head back against his chest and snuggled in closer to him than before.
“Me too Peter.” I whispered trying to push down the feeling in my stomach and closed my eyes to stop the lightheaded effect he had on me.
He had started to hum, a tune I had never listened to, but it was heavenly coming from him. Our fingers were still entangled with each other, his warm touch against mine. My eyes still closed, his staring off into the distance. His lips had reached the top of my head, setting a firm and light kiss.
“Rory?”
“Hmmm?”
“You're absolutely gorgeous.” My stomach had done a roll, my stomach had erupted, my stomach had released a thousand butterflies. I had stopped breathing for six seconds and I looked up at him. He had his eyes on me already, they were deep and intense, he was drowning me.
“You're brighter than the sun, more magnificent than the moon, more dazzling than the stars. You're blessed with the sun’s touch, blessed with God’s kindness, you're Aphrodite’s beauty, you’re just… you're just unreal.” My breathing had completely ceased, my heart had skipped beats, my hands shaking.
I had watched as his head had moved closer to mine, my breathing still nonexistent, his accelerated. I had felt my heart beating, its rush sounds going through my ears and throughout my body. I couldn't breath, I was dying of suffocation.
His nose had touched mine, he seemed to be just as lost as I was, just as breathless and just as nervous, but I think he didn't mind, I think he had liked it actually.
“You live out here like Rapunzel, hiding your beauty from the world. Sometimes I want to show the world how beautiful you are, but most of the time I want you here, so we can live in our own world. Where we're happy, where we do more than just exist.” I had felt everything in me, my walls, my barriers, my everything had just broke down. And he had seen that, he had seen something inside of me break, a small grin setting his lips and he had moved in a little closer, his lips catching the end of my lips, goosebumps erupting over my skin.
“Lorelei, I don't know what you're doing, but you're doing something. You're making me… you're making me feel things. Things I had only imagined, dreamed of. And I know you feel it too, I had just seen it. The way your eyes had just… cracked. I had seen the light break through, like you had opened a door and then there was only light.” I stared into his vulnerable eyes, they were weak, weak with emotion and affection.
I shook my head, I couldn't believe this. Warnings were going off, but I could care less. I shoved them down and ignored them, his eyes were killing everything I've memorized from my Father  within three seconds.
“Peter you're… you're tearing down everything I've ever known, in a matter of a month you've… you've made me… Peter I don't know what it is but you've made me feel it.” His eyes twinkled a bit, he knew what I was talking about, he wouldn't tell me, wouldn't subject my feeling, he wanted me to find out what it was on my own. Would I be able to?
“Sleep ma fleur, tomorrow is another day.” He kissed the side of my temple and I rested my head once again against his chest.
The thing was though, I couldn't sleep. Not with his heartbeat under my ear, not with his head resting on top of mine, not with his arm around me or his hand holding mine. I couldn't sleep after our words, our honest and affection filled words.