Every morning I wake up and look in the mirror, I look at myself and feel absolutely sick to my stomach I try to stand in different posses trying to find a good enough pose so that I can stand that way in from of people all day so that ill look thinner, I think maybe one day someone will except me instead of reject me and leave me alone to stand in the dark by myself.I hope the day never come that i have to go in for a checkup but we all have to eventually and unfortunately my time has come my mom dives me to the doctors office they tell me to stand on the scale as I swallow my pride I step up to that nightmare they call a scale and as I watch the numbers quickly rise I nearly burst into tears.
As i'm on my way out the door the doctor hands me a paper, as i,m walking back to the car I read the note carefully I slowly start to burst into tears as I read about how I need to exercise more and loose weight my mother sees my tears and takes the paper and reads it after she reads it she looks at me and tells me its true. We go home and I look back at my dark room already able to see the mirror on my wall. when I walk past it I close my eyes refusing to look back I think back to everyone in my class and how they are all tens and I am still a 4.
No matter the doctors right I need to loose weight so I set a goal not to eat anything for the next few days all I can have is water so I tried and everyday i felt weaker and weaker but hey I wasn't gaining anything if I wasn't eating right? Some kids at school started to realize and told me to eat something I told them I do when i'm home but that was a lie. after a whole 4 days with no food i decided you can eat one thing and i did it wasn't much just a salad but I went back to the mirror and it looked like I had eaten a village.
I started crying thinking its all over when I looked in the mirror I feel like i'm going to instantly throw up. as I got older I got better I realized enough was enough I had to deal with the way I looked or nothing would ever change. I still don't completely love myself but i'm getting their.
