Moments of Light

I'm Blue

Luka was tired. The words were like arrows that were shot through their heart. Each one making it shatter and fall into pieces. They felt miserable. Though the sky was blue, so blue, decorated with clouds that seemed like the softest cotton they could ever reach, a flow of thoughts were invading their mind. How good it would feel to fly up there and just... just lay on these clouds, far from the earth, far from adulthood that they still had to manage with, far from all of their problems and worries. How good it would feel...

But their feet were stuck to the ground. Their body felt so heavy. Only their spirit was able to go there. It was not enough for the tears to stop sliding across their cheeks, for her soul to stop aching. They came to the defeated resolution that they would never be able to be up there. Whatever, they knew they don't deserve it. Was it a punishment ? Maybe. After all, they've never been a hard worker. Rather liking to spend their time with their younger sibling, two true friends, and young made girlfriend, they weren't working nor studying. Sticking at home and dealing with panic attacks and anxiety, that odd feeling that kept them back to do anything. A Few years ago, they found a refuge along an old friend. They met it once at night, as they were crying on the bathroom. Their friend was there, shining in the nasty yellow light of the economic lightbulb, calling them with their sharp beauty. Appealing, oh so appealing.

The dark surrounded the next days. Every night when nobody was watching, they were meeting in their room. These little interviews were so relieving to Luka. Each time making him feel so much more lighter, their head almost spining from an invisible wind that lift them in the air. These moments were the only thing they waited for all day long from the very moment they opened their eyes.

They soon realised how dangerous that relation was. When one night their friend almost went too far. This was a toxic relationship, a chemical romance. So they decided to not see them anymore. That was hard. Every time they cross their road Luka was tempted to take them back to their room. They didn't. To help though, they met a new friend; Nico, Nico Tine. Nico was less violent with them and they succeeded to make them forget about their first Lame friend; Ina. Soon the marks that Ina left on their body faded, but they had never been able to get rid of Nico.

That was all.

Today they were still tempted by Ina sometimes, but she was resolved to never seen them again. They just couldn't leave everything and everyone. Their pain wasn't an excuse to abandon their sibling and parents.

And today the sentence fell, they had 4 months to find a job. After that, they would have to do everything on their own, no more help. That was enough.

They didn't know were to start. They stood in the dark for so long, hanging onto the slightest sparkle of light. They didn't know were to go. Should they let this light go? Should they search for another one? They had a dream but that seemed so out of reach. They were lost, heavy, and tired.

So tired.

So here they were, on his terrasse, smoking and looking at the blue sky reflecting it's sweet color on their tears. They soon let the color sink into their eyes, staining his soul and heart with that cold shade of blue, appeasing the profound wounds that were not healing.

They got a peaceful glance over the world.

Sure, everything sounds hopeless at this very moment for them, but they had to move on. They had to breath and take back their sword, fighting for their aim, their own true aim. Even though they didn't know what it was especially, for sure they'd want it to be full of happiness, and how pale would happiness feel if they didn't have to feel sorrow first?

They looked at the huge trees shadowed by the bright sky, the comfortable seat they were sitting on, the roof above their head keeping them from the heat of the sun. Yeah, light would be too much without a bit of shadows. They hang on to this thought and gosh that was... a relief. They still had a lot to go through. Through the dark and probably alone sometimes, but It will be worth it in the end,they knew it, they trust it. They would make it be the truth.

Once a day, they would find themselves.

Once a day, they would find themselves.

Once a day, they would be totally in peace with their life and choice.

Once a day, they'll be happy.