Left Out

Chapter three: Bandmates & Jealousy

Yo guys!!! From now on speech will be using air quotes and not the "-" so yeah...dont get confused byeeeee <3

"So"
Said Veronica
"@trisconnorandbrad says :
<I loveeeeeeeee the vamps!!!!!!!! They are my lifeeeee.>-"
"Wait, how is that bad?"
Interrupted James relivied that no one said anything against him.
"If you would just WAIT for me to finish-"
Snapped Veronica.
Then she realized they were on live tv and corrected herself
"-ahem...I mean...James just wait for it"
She said as she dusted her jacket.
"As I was saying...<They are my lifeeeee...I dont really like the guitarist guy, tho...I think the Vamps shoukd cut James and be a trio...they have Connor on the bass so who need a guitarist? Right?>"
"Oh."
Said James, disappointed.
"Hey uhm... James, I-"
"It's-it's ok, Brad, I'm-I'm fine..."
Said James while gripping onto his pants tighter and tighter.
"L- let's move on, Veronica"
"Well, that's all the tweets we had..."
<Thank God!>
Thought James.
"Moving on to fan questions! Boys, are you ready?"
<Oh God this is gonna be bad...>
Thought Brad.
"So."
Said Veronica
"We have...a question for... Brad!"
"Bring it on!"
Giggled Brad.
"@b-shizzlebear says...<Hey Brad...would you marry me? I'm almost 18>"
"Uhm love the username but unfortunately I cannot marry you. Why? Because it would be illegal.
Love you all though!"
"Then we have @connorsgurrl
With a question for, well, Connor".
"Alright"
"Okay Connor- she says: <Connor when did you start to play the bass? P.s. love youuuuu💗💗💗>"
"Aww thanks love you too. Uhm...I started playing the guitar, actually, when I was about eleven. Little did I know, back then, that a twitter account would soon be called 'connorsgurrl'...hehehe"
"Yass Connor!"
Said Veronica
"So then we have @sashathegreat asking what's the youngest you could date, Tris."
"Oh uhmm... Probably maximum 6 years youmger than me in general...although right now I'm 24 so that would make a girl that's 6 years younger than me 18 so we'd be good.Although I AM married, so..."
The questions went on and on. Nothing special. Mostly 'would you marry me' questions for Brad and 'Would you' questions in general. Every question was dircted to the boys either in general or individually. None of the individual ones were directed to James...
None of the fan usernames were about James...
James. James McVey. The lead guitarist of The Vamps. What changed? When did people start wanting him out of The Vamps? Why was he noticing just now? Why does the hate feel like it's so much that it's overwhelming?
The Vamps without James...what would it be?
James could already imagine them on tour without him. He could already see them being better off without him.
'So James we've decided to kick you out of The Vamps because you're not good enough' he imagined Brad say. 'You're just...bad...we can just replace you' he thought Tris would say.'Why would we keep you? I play the bass and that's enough.'
He pictured Connor say.
This felt like a nightmare. A nightmare he couldn't wake up from. He felt like he couldn't talk about it with his band members because he thought they would see it as something stupid. Something stupid. That's what he tried to convince himself it was. He just saw it as something important. Something that was unfair. Something that made anger boil inside him.
He felt like he could explode any second. With time, as the anger and offense grew inside him, his attitude got worse and worse. He felt bad everytime he wanted to blurt everything out and tell them. Tell them about his suffering. He kept himself from complaining, afraid that it would make the situation worse and make him more likely to be kicked out. As the days went by he felt like he could snap at any time, like he wanted to tell everyone to fuck off while storming out of the room.
He would never.
But life is life. It's not eternal. It will end some day and James can't keep it inside him that long anyways. So the solutions were two: he could either kill himself or he could get everything off his chest and end it once and for all. Suicide had never crossed his mind before. He had never thought if its consequences either. Well, he was now. Fuck. He could never. He's too coward. But maybe it's better to be coward. He couldn't stop thinking of what would happen if he left the band or if he killed himself. Paranoia was taking him over. He couldn't let that happen.
That was it. He could never kill himself, of course, or leave the band. He had to tell them. He had to. So he planned on telling them after the interview. He was going to do it. He couldn't hold himself back anymore.
"So James"
"Yeah?"
He answered because of instincts.
"This is for you, @jamessssmcvnugget says..."
But he didn't hear. He was just too excited. Finally someone thought of him. Finally.
"What do you have to say about that, huh James?"
Ugh not again. He didn't hear again.
"Wh-What?"
Veronica took a deep breath as if to calm herself down
"Ahem. @jamessssmcvnugget says: <has James ever thought of leaving the band? He's seemed unactive and shallow for a long tome now>"
"How about we end it here?"
Smiled Connor,trying to save the conversation and not have James snap.
"No. Connor. Please. I'm 23. I can handle this. Thank you."
"Just remember we're on national tv..."
Said Tris.
"YES. I know. Thank you Tris."
Said James while losing his patience.
"Alright. You know what? I'm not gonna lose my shit right now because, as my bandmate Tris reminded me, we are on national tv. But. I would like to say one thing, which is: Why? Why do I have to leave the band? Why do I not get a question that's followed by an 'I love you' or 'James you're the best'? It's not that hard. Really. With that, I say goodbye."
Said James as he left the studio.