I woke up at noon today. I would have probably slept the whole day if my grandparents hadn't woken me up so we could go eat with my aunts. So I got up off of the couch that I sleep on because my room is suffocatingly hot in the summer. I walked to my room and changed into a low cut hem red shirt that showed off my boobs and made sure to put on my body shaper to help hide my fat (that didn't really work). Then I put on size 20 jeans to try and trick myself into thinking I lost weight. (I'm a size 14). (That also didn't work). So feeling that it was as good as I was going to get for today, we walked out and headed to Hong Kong Buffet. (It's this Chinese Buffet that in near the Wal-Mart on Yarbrough in El Paso). We entered, and as always people's eyes were on me. Have I mentioned I'm being raised my my Mexican grandparents, and I have a black father? No? Well now I have. Per usual, people stared at me questioning why a 5'7" black girl was doing with 4 older and shorter Mexicans in a Chinese Buffet. We sat down and they all went to start getting their food as I sat at the table and waited for our drinks. I do this every single time. So our drinks came and they began getting back to the table one by one, and I got up to wash my hands. As I came out I looked up and saw a gorgeous boy. Honestly seeing him just reminded me how repulsive I am and how I have absolutely no chance with him, or anyone. I finally got my food and ate in silence while everyone at the table had light conversation. Note that I'm still wearing the body shaper so it started getting hard to breath and I was on the verge of passing out. I decided to take a break from eating because I started to go cross eyed. I resumed eating for only a minute. The boy and I'm assuming his grandparents sat down in a booth two feet away from us. Just as any self-loathing teenager does, I stopped eating in fear that he would see me as morbidly obese if he saw me stuffing my face. I just sat there waiting for him to get up and go get something to eat so I could just finish what was on my plate. I got a text from my best friend of 9 years, Briana, saying "Guess where I am" I said I couldn't tell and asked her to just tell me, so she responded "Juarez". For those of you who don't know, Juarez is a city in Chihuahua, Mexico. Juarez and El Paso are super close. That's why there are so many Mexican residents in El Paso. We're basically a Mexican-American city. And we're proud of that. Anyway, back to what I was saying. I had asked her since when does she cross the border, and she responded 'since today' like the smart alec she is. She asked if I was home, and I said I'm in a Chinese buffet and that there was a cute boy there too. She quickly warned me that I wasn't single and that I have to "be good". She knows I have impulsive tendencies to "get with someone" even if I'm seeing someone. Our conversation went like this:
Beautiful soul(ME)
-No way he's human. No one looks like that in real life.
My Gorgeous Best Friend -You have a bf Chill out
Beautiful soul -Ughhhhhhhhhh I mean it's not like he'd do anything with me anyway... I can gawk from a distance
My Gorgeous Best Friend -To each their own
Beautiful soul -True
His jawline can cut a bitch and his cheekbones are perfect
My Gorgeous Best Friend -I guess that's cool lol I think my man is a God
Beautiful soul -You have to lol
My Gorgeous Best Friend -I've always thought so
Beautiful soul -True
We left the buffet
My Gorgeous Best Friend -I'm still in Juarez
Beautiful soul -I'm in Wal-Mart now lol
*End of texts*
So we were in Wal-Mart just buying whatever and I was cruising in one of those Wal-Mart carts because of my injured legs. It's my right ankle, and my left knee for those of you wondering. Well anyway, I was driving the cart and I got those usual disapproving stares as if I were faking it just so I didn't have to walk. And technically..they were right. I can walk. Painfully, but surely I can walk. I might ask for a cart in Wal-Mart, but I don't usually ask for much else. I hate being treated differently because I'm too damn stupid to let myself heal. I keep pushing too hard and hurt myself again. I hate myself for it. And many other reasons. We left Wal-Mart and we go to take my aunts to the bus station so they can go home to Pittsburgh Texas. It's about 2 hours from Dallas and is a relatively quiet town. A lot of my family has settled there. There were no more tickets because they were sold out. So my aunts are still here for another night.
We left Walmart, went home, and I stayed up late watching Netflix and writing my day down.
YOU ARE READING
My Diary
RandomI know this is weird. I mean letting people read your diary? That's crazy. Your diary is made up of your private thoughts that you write down as a way to cope with every day life. Well, as cliché as this sounds, I feel my life is anything but norma...
