Skitzy

ONE

March 15, 2014

Dear Diary,

I don't know why I just wrote that. It's not like me to keep diaries and I probably won't keep it for very long. Goodness knows one of my friends will get sick of me writing in it instead of listening to them and they'll be mad.

Dr. Somerset was the one who gave the diary to me today. She told me to write what I please in it, not what anyone else tells me and she also promised she wouldn't read any of it.

And I suppose that it's probably a lie about not reading it, but this time I think I'll just choose to believe it.

I've only written five sentences and Twenty's already getting mad at me. She asked me why I would listen to Dr. Somerset since whenever Twenty and her are in the same room together, Twenty gets really mad.

Now shes growling for writing what she's saying. As if I cared.

I suppose I'll explain why I call her Twenty instead of her real name which is Edith. It's because for some reason, ever since we were little she always wore the same shirt, a white one with a big blue Twenty on it. It seemed to fit her a lot better than Edith.

I don't see her as often as I used to, which makes me sad since we used to be best friends. When I do hear from her now, it's usually in whispers in my ear or in a crowed area.

But enough about Twenty. I need to talk about me, Dr. Somerset said. So here it goes.

My name is Skitzy and I choose to understand nothing at all.

A long time ago before I met all my friends, I used to try to understand how everything worked. My parents would laugh and say I was the most curious child they'd ever met, touching everything, asking questions constantly.

But then I met all my friends, Twenty, Zardok, Red, and Ten and they told me I didn't need to understand anything. Everything was just easier when you just listened and followed your heart.

So I did. I keep track of nothing at all and listened to my friends, since they practically are my heart. My sister tells me I'm fifteen now, but I don't believe her. Zardok tells me I'm still eleven like when we met and my mother is just saying that to make it sound like I need to act all grown-up.

I don't understand anything but I know three certain things that my friends tell me about the world.

1) Everyone lies and that's just how life works.

Almost nothing is true anymore and trusting anyone is a waste of your precious time. It's best to not associate with hardly anyone outside of your circle of friends, not even your family. And most of the time, your friends lie too.

2) I'm not worth anyone's time, that I'm just another human taking up space and air on the earth and it'd probably be better if I wasn't here.

But throughout all of this, I suppose I'm not happy as the other kids because happiness is a lie made up in fairytale books. But I'm not sad either because sadness is weakness. I'm just contented, and living normally with the way I am and the way my friends are.

Which leads me to number three.

3) Nothing about life will ever change, so I may as well get used to it.

I think I ought to be done writing now, Twenty's getting agitated because she wants to tell me something.

Fornever yours,

Skitzy

*********************************************************

Skitzy pulled at her blonde hair instinctively as she shut the diary. She yanked a large strand behind her ear so she could hear Twenty better.

"Twenty?" She asked. "What do you need to tell me so badly?"

Skitzy listened for the reply, only to hear a loud growl of frustration.

im going to come over and have a word with you. She said, her velvety voice clear as ever in Skitzy's ear.

Skitzy's heart raced in joy. A visit from Twenty would really be lovely after all this time apart!

write what i tell you and ill come. Twenty's voice rang out.

She whispered what to write and Skitzy obediently picked up her favorite black Sharpie.

She wrote very plainly on the white bed sheet.

E VERY T HI N GI S ALI E

Suddenly, Twenty appeared, her blue eyes boring into Skitzy's green ones. Skitzy smiled, hoping to lighten the mood but Twenty only stared. She was very unhappy today, as she wrung the white fabric of her shirt in her balled up fists.

what did i tell you about that somerset woman, skitzy? Twenty said calmly.

"You told me she's no good for me and she's a liar like everyone else." Skitzy said like a child answering a teacher.

Skitzy could see in Twenty's eyes that she was pleased that she had remembered.

of course. and so why are you writing in the diary? Twenty purred.

"Because I want to."

skitzy she's a liar. Twenty bluntly stated. you can't trust her.

"How do you know?" Skitzy said, her brow furrowing.

Twenty pursed her lips. the world is a scary place. for all you know she could be trying to kill you with the information you disclose in that book. you must not tell her anything notable or we could be separated.

S e P a R a T e D

For a moment the world froze around Skitzy as she thought about S e P a R a T e D.

The last time she was S e P a R a T e D all her friends had left since she had refused to listen. She was lost without them. There was no voices to tell her what to do, no whispering words of guidance and comfort.

There was only S i L e N c E.

N o T h I n G.

"Of course." Skitzy said after silently remembering S e P a R a T e D. "If it bothers you that much, I wont write anymore about you and Ten and Zardok. But how do I know you aren't lying Twenty?"

Twenty laughed her blue eyes sparkling. think about it skitzy. I am your only friend other than ten and zardok. i know you inside and out. i keep you alive and ive never steered you wrong.

She leaned in closer and whispered barely audible. so why would i ever lie?