You.
I wish I could say I was alright, I wish I could say I wasn't broken, that I'm better now, that I'm happy. But instead, here I am. All because of you. Why? You aren't special, you definitely aren't the love of my life, so why? Well... because you broke me first. Ive always been a believer in true, fairytale love, so when someone told me that they loved me more than the world, and they always would, well, I believed you. How stupid of me. I now realize and accept it was never TRUE love. Shouldn't that be enough, I've accepted what a dick you are, how it was not my fault, so why don't I feel better? I like feeling happy. I truly do.And I wish it would happen more often, because after you left me recently, I HAVE felt happy, thing is, it should happen more than it really does. Because then I'll try and figure out why you left me, because sometimes it just feels like it can't be all YOUR fault. And I hate you for doing this to me. I hate you for making me feel this way about myself. Because you know? I don't deserve it. You have no right to make me feel this way, and I wish I could just tell my heart to stop it, because doubting myself over you is stupid. And sometimes I can, but sometimes my heart has other plans. I WANT to feel pretty. Smart. Funny. Maybe I could feel one or maybe two of those things occasionally when I convince myself. But YOU. You put that voice in my head that said " No, you aren't. Why wouldn't someone want to be with you if you were those?" But I just have to keep telling myself that I guess you were just an idiot. I hate how lonely you've made me feel. You've left me with no one. Everyone is too busy to care about a broken heart, no one cares about someone who feels like they don't meet the right criteria to be "lovable". You've made it so I can't talk to even the closest of friends because I am concerned that I'll be judged on all of these insecurities you've left me with. And you've opened my eyes to all of these flaws and made me notice all of these effortlessly gorgeous people who you remind me, are so much better than me and all the people that deserve love more than me. But you are not worth it. And I promise next time you catch a glimpse of me in the hall in a few weeks, that I will be happy, because I don't need you, and yes you broke me horribly and it will take time to build back up,but I'm glad you're gone. And you're never coming back. You are the reason I sometimes think I don't deserve my happily ever after, but I'm reminded that I do, because YOU left ME, and now it's up to ME to make my happily ever after.
