[Phil's POV]
"So we're just friends?" I asked. My voice was shaking. "I think that's for the best," Dan answered. "No." I shook my head. "It's not. It's the worst. It's going to hurt both you and me."
At least I hoped so. But would it actually hurt him? It was him who said we should just be friends, so maybe he didn't love me anymore. Not in the way I knew he had once. I probably should have talked to Dan about that earlier.
"You're okay, Phil?" he enquired. I looked at him. "How should I? Do you really think we can just be friends?"
Slowly, Dan nodded.
"We cannot. Because you can't be friends with someone you love. And if you truly think we can be friends than you don't love me the way I love you."
"Listen, Phil. You know that I love you. But we can't be more than friends," Dan insisted. "Why not? Explain it." Dan sighed. "They would destroy it. Our relationship. Us. Everything." "It's because of them?" I bursted out. Dan couldn't be serious. He didn't answer so I continued, "It's because of the people out there? Our community. Without them we couldn't live the life, our life, the way we do. We wouldn't be able to do what we love. And you want to tell me they are the reason we can't be more than friends?"
Again, Dan just nodded. "We don't need to tell them," I said. "Phil.", Dan's voice was calm. "It won't work. Even if we didn't tell them they would find out." "We could try," I said while I tried to hold back my tears. "C'mon Phil. You know we can't. Maybe in a few years but not at the moment." With every word he hurt me.
"If you think so," I mumbled.
None of us said anything. We sat in silence, waiting for the other one to say something."I'll get some sleep," Dan muttered after a few minutes. I watched him going to his room and closing the door.
"Good night," I whispered even though he couldn't hear me anymore.
After a bit I also went to bed but I couldn't sleep. It felt like hours in which I tried to fall asleep but it didn't work. Whenever I closed my eyes all I could think about was Dan. Why did it hurt so much to fall in love with your best friend?
A knock on my door took me back to reality. "Come in," I said. Dan opened the door and looked at me. He was in his PJs but you could tell that he hadn't slept a minute. "Hey," Dan whispered. "What's up?" I asked. "I can't sleep." "Me neither," I replied. Silence. "Can I...can I sleep in your bed?" Dan asked. "Sure," I replied.
Dan walked towards my bed and I sild over a bit to get some space for him. "Thank you," he whispered while he slid under the blanket. I didn't say anything so he added a "good night". Dan lying next to me really didn't help me falling asleep. I was nervous. Dan and I had slept in each others beds before but that was when I still thought there'd be a chance that one day we'd be more than friends. There was no chance.
"We've never been just friends, have we? I think there had always been more feelings."
And maybe that's why we can't be just friends. Because we've never been.
I didn't say the last part, I wanted to wait for Dan's reaction but there was none. I looked at him and saw that his eyes were closed. "Dan?" I whispered. He didn't answer.
At least he could get some sleep. I turned around so I lay on my back and stared at the ceiling, still thinking about my best friend I loved more than I should.
At some point I must have fallen asleep. After a short night I slowly opened my eyes and covered them with my hands to protect them from the sunlight. After a few minutes I finally had my eyes opened enough to see something (as much as I could see without my glasses or contact lenses), which meant I was awake enough to realise everything happening around me which in that moment wasn't that much. But something was different.
Dan's arms were wrapped around me. Dan. I remebered the talk we had last night.
I sighed. Just friends.
But a friend shouldn't hold me like he did.
I tried to move but I didn't want to wake Dan up so I just lay there, my best friend's arm wrapped around me.
I wasn't tired so all so I didn't even try to fall asleep again. I just looked at the sleeping Dan next to me.
I didn't know how much time had passed until Dan eventually opened his eyes.
He looked at me, smiling. "Good morning," I whispered. "Morning," answered a sleepy sounding Dan.
A few seconds later he realised that his arms were wrapped around me and he pulled them back. We lay there just looking in each others eyes. There was silence until Dan interrupted it, "Do you remember what you said last night?" "Well...I said a lot of things."
"That...when you thought I was asleep. That we've never been friends." "I do remember. So you haven't been asleep when I said that?" I asked even though it was obvious. "No. I didn't know what to say so I just kept quiet. I'm sorry," Dan apologised. "It's fine."
"I think you were right. We've never been just friends and we'll never be," Dan said.
I nodded, waiting for him continue. He sighed then pushed himself up so he was now sitting in my bed and I did the same.
"I don't know what it is. This relationship between the two of us. But I want to figure it out," Dan explained.
For a few seconds I didn't know what to say. It hadn't even been twelve hours since Dan had told me that he didn't want to be more than friends with me and now he had completely changed his mind. So I asked, "Why?" Dan looked at me in confusion. "Why now? A few hours ago you said we couldn't be more than friends at the moment. And suddenly your opinion is completely different. So tell me why." I was upset. I didn't know why but I was really upset. It felt like Dan was fooling around with my feelings.
"I thought about it. I thought about what you've said. We don't need to tell them. And when I lay in my bed and thought about it I realised how lonely I am without you.
I think every person needs something or someone to live for. A person or just something you really love. And for me that's you, Phil. I've never noticed how much I nedded you until I realised that I could actually lose you. I've never realised how much I love you until I lay in bed knowing I hurt you.
I missed you. Your smile, your eyes. The way you talk to me.
I was afraid that I had destroyed our friendship. All I wanted was to fall asleep and wake up next to you. Not only for this night but every day. I wanted you to be happy and I was hurt because I hurt you." Dan stopped and looked at me. I smiled at him so he continued, "I know our relationship could get destroyed but we would be destroyed if we didn't even try. So I guess that's what I want. A try.
Phil Lester, I love you."
"Then let us try. Let us try to be together, to be happy. And if it won't work we'll try harder. I know we can do it. I know it will work. Because you're right. Everyone needs someone to live for. We got each other. I wouldn't want another person to love the way I love you. You're the most important person in my live. In my own little world. I want to stay with you and never live without you.
I love you, too, Dan," I replied and reached out for Dan to pull him into a hug.
"I'll never let you go Phil. I love you."
Here it is.The first Phan Oneshot I ever puplished. What do you think of it? Tell me your opinion in the comments.
By the way, I took some inspiration from the song "Friends" by Ed Sheeran.
Hope you enjoyed this oneshot.
Thanks for reading :)
