beauty on a thin line

life lost its colour

Blair's pov

I wake up to the irritating sound of my alarm and wishing upon the stars that if this alarm clock was a person I could get the chance to murder it and what's even worse? It's Monday, worst day of the week. I groan and get up and go to the bathroom and take a long hot shower after showering I look at my reflection and I see a 16 year old girl with shoulder length chocolate brown hair, freckles covering her nose , deep blue eyes, medium sized lips with a heart shaped face and pale skin. All in all I am not the beautiful cheerleader type but not that ugly either. So let's just say I am your average girl next-door.
I get out of the bathroom and decide to wear a blue tank top with my favourite pair of faded jeans,i look in the mirror and think that I look good without makeup too! I turn around with a happy smile on my face(i mean who wouldn't be happy to think they look good) . I suddenly spot a teen magazine on my bed with a drop dead gorgeous girl on its cover with perfectly tanned complexion, gorgeous straight auburn hair with exotic green eyes and an equally gorgeous body and suddenly I am not feeling all that beautiful but ugly and fat, hoping that one day I get to look like her(okay,maybe that's too much to ask but at least somewhat like her you know). This happens everyday, I set out feeling beautiful without makeup but then I spot someone looking 100 times more beautiful than me (I know I know I am an envious bitch but those girls are to blame not me) so I go back to my room and apply some concealer, lipgloss and mascara because that's all I know about makeup and leave the house feeling uglier than ever. So that's what I do today too. Jennie calls me from downstairs, I turn around to look at myself in the mirror one last time and all I see is a ugly fat cow, I can't help but think that why are other girls so perfect while I have got such imperfections in me, why can't everyone be equally beautiful, why can't we live in a world where beauty standards were judged by the beauty of heart but I guess that even if it was to be I still wouldn't be beautiful (I mean who gets so envious of other people because of their hair and complexion huh?)even so this was never meant to be and I need to start living in reality .'okay I need to stop now'i think to myself . I go downstairs and find dad drinking coffee he looks up and spots me but before he says anything Jennie says 'good morning'in her sweet sing song voice, actually my real mom died two years ago in a car accident and I still haven't got over her dad married Jennie after 6 months of her death, I hated dad for this and hated Jennie even more and as for me I became more reserved than ever, my only solace being novels,my best friend and hot chocolate
Jennie is absolutely gorgeous with platinum blonde hair and gray eyes , But my mom was the most beautiful person on earth for me with chestnut hair and deep blue eyes(like mine) ,whenever I looked in those eyes all my problems went away and I found peace in those arms of her with her calming scent (she smelled like lavender) . No matter what she always used to calm me down, her sight alone was enough to make me forget all my problems. But whenever I look at the revolting image of Jennie I just wanna cry because she is trying to take place of my mother (but I will never accept her).
'I made some pancakes, come and sit 'she says, suddenly I am not hungry anymore 'no thanks, I am not hungry' and before she can say anything grab my bag and dash for the door, before closing the door I glance at my dad and see a pained expression on his face and all I think is' 'well, it would have been better if it would have been just the two of us ''

My school is 10 minutes distance from our home and I start to think about what me and dad had before Jennie came, we had something very special between us and I loved him as much I loved mum but when mum died and he married Jennie everything changed it seemed as if he did all this intentionally to hurt me so I started to distance myself from him too and life lost its colour.

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